Running out of time.

[MHL]

They either don't understand why you are not pursuing her and trying to win her back or they are afraid they are going to piss her off and she will cut them out of her life like she has done with you. My MIL in the begining use to lay into my W until my W stopped calling her mother. My MIL started singing a different tune and was not so supportive of me anymore.

I think you are doing the right thing by not contacting them.

[ClingingToHope]

I'd be interesed to see what would come out of a real conversation with her but I just can't see being the one to initiate just yet. My guess is I would just get more of the same and I really don't need more bad news.

Part of me wants so badly to just sit down and try to talk this out. It was last March when we had a real break through and everything was good between us for about two weeks.

But she's shown zero indication that anything has changed and I too feel I'd just be putting my heart out there for her to rip to shreds.

So I try to go as dark as possible -- although it's going to be hard this week -- theater and babysitting crap.

[dwinter82]

CLV, when we first seperated two of my brother-in-laws contacted me to see how I was doing. At that time, I was really broken and told them the entire story. They were shocked, and then went on to tell me things about the W that shocked me (e.g., always been deceptive). I also told them they needed to support her becuase she was family.

After this I went out with them a few times to grab a couple of beers but now that she has introduced the OM to the family, I have stopped this. I agree with MHL, I would not contact her family. I know you miss them and I am sure they miss you but they are likley still trying to figure things out and need time to adjust as well.

[Cie la vie]

MHL, DW and CTH,

or they are afraid they are going to piss her off and she will cut them out of her life like she has done with you.

Bingo! Sometimes I ask questions to things I already know the answer to. My W's SIL said her relationship with my W was "hanging by a thread" and she asked me to not let my W know we spoke. Naturally I complied. That explains everthing. Her brothers are really good guys and they just aren't the type to throw themselves into the mix and I get that. I'm sure to see all of them again in the future.

I'll leave them to their own devices and if they contact me great if not I get it. I do plan on sending my MIL a B-day card which I feel is appropriate. Her B-day is tomorrow.

So I try to go as dark as possible -- although it's going to be hard this week -- theater and babysitting crap.

I know I will have similiar difficulties in the near future with having to interact with the Alien (I stole this from someone, it works) because of issues/events revolving around the kids. We'll have to grin and bare it and put the old "Act as if" into play.

Tomorrow is huge for me, final round of mediation, spousal support and child support are at play. My position is I shouldn't be on the hook for a friggen cent of either. The Alien has said on several occasions she will not ask for any and she didn't when she had the filing draw up even though her Attorney was pushing for it. However, given her buffonish behavior and ridiculous financial condition I must expect the worst. Hopefully the fact that I have taken the high road throughout this saga will pay dividends at this moment of truth.


Apparently, her attorney also instructed her to ask me to leave the house and if I didn't comply she could have a restraining order put on me. Although they would need serious evidence of abuse to get it. Fortunately, I didn't move out and my guess is her attorney was looking to put me behind the 8 ball as far as custody is concerned.

CTH I think you know where I am coming from on this.

[ClingingToHope]

CTH I think you know where I am coming from on this.

Yes. I do. I'm waiting for W's "wish list" to show up from her attorney. I don't want to call L until it shows up because I don't want to create billable hours.

My first question to him will be "how do we change this custody situation now?"

Right now, I have them 5 nights out of every 14. I have them each Wednesday and every other weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

In January, I asked to also have them on Thursday. It makes sense. The weeks they are staying on the weekend, they stay with me on Wednesday, her on Thursday, and then me again.

That's silly. If I get them Wednesday and Thursday then I'll have them five straight days, she'll have them two, I'll have them two and then she'll have them five in a row.

I don't know what my options are at this point. But if this is going to happen, I need to try something to get the custody situation neutral.

[dwinter82]

CTH, for what it is worth I have the kids one week on M,T,Sa and Su and then the following week on W, R and Fr. It seems to be working out pretty good so far.

CLV, let us know how everything goes today.

[MHL]

CLV,
Her lawyer is full of chit and that is positioning, empty threats ignore them. Good luck today.

[Cie la vie]

All that attorney crap took place back in early Oct. so it is no longer an issue but I if my W decides to change her tune on several key issues I could get the shaft.

I'll post up upon my return to the office following the session.

Thanks for the best wishes.

[Cie la vie]

Okay.

My decision to steer us toward mediation and away for the attorneys was brilliant beyond words so far.

I arrived on time as usual and as usual my unemployed XW arrived late (20 min.). She is a piece of work.

The mediator went over a few loose ends from our previous meetings and jumped right in to support both spousal and child.

As he droned on about the innumeral items and possibilities associated with support I chimed in with "Lets cut to the chase".
He wass a little taken aback by my abrupt statement but he said okay.

I proceed to state the fact that my W upon filing agreed to not seek either spousal support of child support (provided we had 50/50 custody) and she on several occasions over the proceeding months reiterate this. He than asked my W if this was the case and she said somewhat sheepishly yes. He exclaimed that that makes this easy.

He than asked if we were interested in seeing what disomaster would come up for support based on our current financial situations. My W was interested and said okay.

If she was so inclined to seek support I would have been on the hook for $2,300.00/month. Needless to say this would have put me in a very bad position financially. I'm not out of the woods yet she could change her mind and seek all or part of that number between now and signing off. She could also seek support at a later date should she fall on hard times.

I believe her guilt about how she has treated me may have played a factor in her decision to pass on support. Bottom line is I am keeping my fingers crossed that she lands a job soon and I get through the next two months with the current arrangement in place. I have a gut feeling that when she starts talking to her girl friends they'll implore her to go for whatever she can get and she'll renige on the deal.

[Cie la vie]

In my rush to breakdown the negotiations and the results thereof I failed to mention that my W and I were remarkably friendly to eachother in a natural unforced way.

The mediator commented on how well we get along and the fact that this mediation was the fastest and easiest one he has been involved with. On the other side of the table I saw a person I truly care about and miss and I hope she may have felt the same. We laughed and smiled with and at eachother on several occasions during the session.

We agreed to get together soon to discuss some loose ends to our agreement over coffee. She also seemed open to discussions about possibly keeping the house under joint ownership as she understands how much the children enjoy being their and how ideal it is for them. That will be a tough one to work out but at least she is currently open to things in general.