He wants to come home at the end of the month. I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea. I wanted him to extend his lease. He didn't understand why. I told him that I didn't want to watch him lick his wounds after ending this affair and I still needed to sort out my feelings about everything. I also told him that I think we needed to get to know eachother again. We haven't been intimate since November and I am not ready for it. I am just not ready for him to come home.. I didn't want to say that I needed to see improvement in him..because then I felt like that would put me back in the 'mother' role..monitoring his actions. I just need to feel 'safe' to allow him back into my life. His timely 'epiphany' does not leave a warm and comfy feeling in my stomach. He made a joke that I just didn't want him to come home because I have a girls weekend plan (bunch of my friends escaping their lives to my house for a weekend of spa, wine, and food). I didn't tell him that 'girls weekend' is this weekend.
We discussed going to MC in addition to him continuing to go to IC. We have never done MC before and I am wondering how this is going to work. If we/I decide to work on this marriage..I need the dynamics to change. I feel like he has had the upper hand for so long. All of you are right...it needs to be a partnership..companionship.
Lola,
I'll help you more later (as will others, I'm sure) with the whole "boundaries" thing. But I didn't want to let this moment to pass without letting you know, I think you are one smart, tough woman. You handled the above unbelievably well.
My hat is off to you, lady. It is a rare animal, indeed, who can pull off the "let's not move too quickly here" thing. Most let them come running back, immediately, boundary-less.
