As a thank you for him giving her a good deal on the job she invited us to stay at her ski condo. So believe it or not my husband took us to this woman’s condo for 3 days, we slept in her bed, cooked in her kitchen, soaked in her hot tub… and my daughter wrote a nice note in the guest book “Thank you for letting our family stay at your beautiful place we really enjoyed it” and D16 drew a picture of our “happy family”. Every time I think about it I want to kill him. How dare he.
But now she will have a permanent reminder of her adulterous sin. Let it fester.
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planning to order "Private Lies" by Frank S. Pittman and "Surviving the Male Mid-Life Crisis" by Henry Still. If anyone knows the last two books let me know if they are worth ordering.
Frank Pittman's book is one of my favourite of most infidelity books.
I also recommend Men in Midlife Crisis By Jim Conway And I can't recall the title--about MLC By Peter O'Connor--it is out of print bu can be found on Amazon through used sellers.
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I have a question. Since he moved out all parenting is up to me. He doesn't offer to help with daughter, driving her to school, lessons, work etc. That makes it more difficult for me to schedule any "fun" free time for myself, because it seams that I'm always on call to drive her somewhere. So far I didn't ask him for any help with that. Should I? Or should I just let him be. I'm kind of confused because the advice for MLC said not to make any demands.
I don't have an answer. Jack is right about you being a single parent, but DB'ing is about balance. Balance not making demands with not doing everything for him which can lead to cake-eating and you being like a mommy to him. Part of setting boundaries can be creating Self time. Let your MLCer know that you are busy during such-and-such time AND, if he asks, politely include that what you are doing is not his business. You are in business together and have a daughter. He also has responsibilities.
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He started to cry and said that he is very upset that I don't trust him (seriously?) that I should know him that he would never abandon us or the business.
Yeah...seriously. This is typical MLC. He already has abandoned you.
Trust him when he proves he is trustworthy. If you want to remain married; no OW is a requirement for that.
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So after a long discussion I agreed to stay in business with him. I was thinking that maybe it's a good thing, It would keep us in touch and talking (we always worked great together) and I will have a chance to DB.
It will be a challenge; but I think so too. You seem strong.
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I told him that I'm sorry that he is upset at me for talking to OW husband that we just talk to each other for support.
Good validation. Also, if he is choosing to leave your marriage, he has no say over who you choose to speak with. It is typical for him to be upset about these calls--how would you feel if the roles were reversed. Two betrayed people talking to each other...who knows what they are planning, or what secreted are being revealed? It scares the adulterers
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Then WH said that he is upset because he would like to talk to me about "things" that are on his mind but doesn't because he doesn't want me to tell the husband. I told him that I would never tell anything to anyone if he ask's me not to and that I'm here anytime he needs to talk. He started to cry and said "I don't have anyone else to tell things, thank you".
I find this intriguing any comments?
It means you have done well DB'ing. You have a foundation of trust and you remain his comfort zone. But as Bworl said, I would be wary of using universal modifiers. You need to do what is best with the changing situation. It may be best for your marriage and your MLCer if in some circumstances you reveal something your MLCer tells you.
You need a boundary about discussing the OW. He should not discuss her--to do so is cruel. That doesn't mean that both of you pretend there is no infidelity. But you are not supposed to console him when his adulterous relationship is not going well.
He should also not be doing side work through the business for the OW. Anything he does on his own is his business--unless he is attempting to return.
