Wow, thanks once again for the really constructive reply. It was uplifting to read because you are making me see things clearly.
I especially like the piece about going to sit with him. I haven't done so but have really wanted to. You know that feeling when your arms ache because you so much want to hold the person you love? I literally have to stop myself from trying to hug, hold or kiss him. Sorry that sounds insensitive given your situation and i apologise. I guess the reason i don't want to do that is fear of rejection. Trying not to pressure him and worry over what the children will think. I don't want to confuse them. Or make my H feel uncomfortable.
Do you think I should stay this weekend and practise my 180's. We've had a couple of texts that have seemed to put us backwards this week, should i send him an email explaining why i sent the texts? They weren't nasty but maybe a little whiney, given that he didn't contact me after the fire with the oven and the brigade flashing outside our home! I had hoped he would show some concern, if not for me then for the children at least.
I will read your sitch tonight, and don't worry, i understand how emotional people get, and the words that come from hurt.
I have the utmost respect for the many people on these boards and the challenges and heartbreak they face, emotionally. From experience, my dad abused my mum, my brother and my sister but he never hit me. I simply lived in fear with 'when will it be my turn'. I've forgiven him, and understand that he's a very mixed up person, that i feel sympathy for him in a way. As do my siblings. But it never took away from the fact that it happened and i know that that is what most people here and my H face with the sitches. The fact that altho they want their partners back, the pain of what happened is with them every day.
Take care, Onthemountaintop.
Sorry, i went off on a tangent there!
me 41 H 40 D 10 S 13 S 15 separated in same house 05/09 my A 05-07/09
