You sound only very superficially remorseful to me. You spend a lot of time in your post listing what he did to drive you to your own CHOICE to have an affair. Yes, you admitted you should have worked on you instead, yet still you spend a lot of your first post detailing HIS faults. Now you are upset he will not come back to you quickly. I had much smaller faults in my R and did not commit adultery. Still, my H holds on to grudges over sore words from the past. What have your really done to show remorse and make amends? You are threatening to kick him out for not meeting your emotional needs, yet recently you were f----g some other dude. You need a reality check about the level of injury you have caused. Your husband, though distant, seems quite charitable in comparison.
I'm starting to wonder if you have had the wrong kind of counseling. Some type of counselors allow you to continue to blame your spouse and not own your behavior by empathisizing too much with your "pain" in the relationship. Your spouse is not responsible for all your emotions you ever had. There were other ways to meet your loneliness. If this is your case, do more reading on your own or find a new counselor. Adultery is always a choice, not something a distant husband drives you to. You could have asked for a divorce instead.
I'm only bringing out this two by four because if you really want this M to work, it will have to be on his timeline. You messed up. Now you have to spend years fixing it and be willing to. Doesn't sound like you are. It just sounds like the other man maybe dumped you or the fun of the affair got old or guilt got to you or you were just doing it to be vengeful.
