the card, i debated on that, but in the resources, regardless of what she feels or doesn't it is her bday coming up.
i was really against and had prayed on it, well anyway, open up a menu at a pizza place and right inside it says, remembering a woman's birthday but not her age is the sign of a true diplomat.
my heart was leaning towards a card and then seeing that, was like well, she's gone this far and i've pushed pretty hard.
she had also said cards or letters that meant the most to her were a person's own words, so the poem, with no R talk was my own words. it was really a silly poem with a post it note that said happy bday stick it on ur dashboard.
I didn't sign my name.
the post it, well i used to write notes on post it's for her and stick 'em on her dashboard so when she'd be going to work there was a note from me, at one time, she said those notes made her day.
it's funny every now and then, i still think hold on, this was how it was how n the heck did we get here and so quickly a yr ago she was crying about how great i was, when she had a flat tire in the middle of a thundershower and I changed it out, got soaked like no one's business, it was worth it.
but that day she said a lot of nice things about me. and cried for being so lucky, kids even said dad ur awesome man.
it was just a flat tire to me, it was cold and rainy as heck, but i really felt appreciated that day and glad i was on the road trip with them.
all along been trying way too hard and loving too much.
my wife texted me for 9 straight hrs of just bs.
i just let it roll.
it was all crap, but at least she was texting me.
when you love someone so much and i'm only speaking for myself, because i know a lot of loved your spouse's like none other too.
it's clear, she's nuts, it's not her fault.
other than a few instances i've been pretty good about be loving.
it's better to be wanted than not wanted.
and you know she took the most valuable thing to me, even more valuable than the kids and say what you want, but the kids weren't going to wipe my butt when i turned 80.
She fell out of love.
in my case sixty yrs to infiniti turned out to be 19.
it's too late to protect myself and that isn't how i roll anyway.
but it isn't too late to protect her.
my family is not going to be turned into a business.
i didn't do what she did, but in all of her bravado, she's not as strong as me.
she can't see it for what it is, but i have always been willing to give her and the kids everything and to protect her.
now she's done a terrible job of following much of any rule and i've been letting the boundaries fall.
i was documenting the stuff and drop off's with d and what kid said their mom said what about me.
it hit me, even with all that stuff ayk would you let a judge come down on her. No, no I wouldn't.
with what i've given the only thing left she can do is take the kids. I even told her she can have back the laptop i'm using right now, i charged another. love my credit card.
anyway, the only thing i had that could hurt her and we all know where the mlc'rs paranoid mind is and the wanting out because we're so bad, in my case i was wanting back in, it was my wife that asked me to leave because she was so angry she couldn't think rationally and she didn't want to say something she'd live to regret. Of course now, she and d have played it into kicked out.
i went to her atty today and dropped off my little red book of stuff pulled etc.
i'm not monitoring it anymore. my d won't get in the car and my wife isn't going to make her, she's never made d do anything and that's fine, it's there relationship and well there isn't any winning. D will come around.
i'm warn thin on the threats, first house, then kids, then money etc.
i gave that book up, because my wife is too angry to protect herself and i'm sane enough to protect her, no financially i'll probably never recover, but i have a clear conscience on this, even when i was in the fetal position i knew i looked to broken to be around the kids, so i was good for a couple hrs. they didn't see me that way, neither did she.
for most of my life i lived like it was my last day, had too many young people in my family die when i was a kid, i know for sure that's why i said love you so much to the 3 of them, just in case you never know.
but i was named after alexander the great, he defended his people, and i've defended her to the hilt.
resources there is debate stringing it along or making them do all the work, in my families case, stalling or her doing the work isn't going to help. it's only going to pro long the mlc and everything else.
it's best, it is to just settle this deal, not for me, but for her, i did the right thing, she's set financially and when she gets remarried, they'll be set, but my legacy with my kids that's priceless, money's money and stuff is stuff. but my kids know that i put the 3 of them first.
i hate the whole idea of a divorce, it didn't solve anything for my parents, my brother and i are who suffered.
but in this case giving the divorce, that does take the heat off of me and you know even more than saying goodbye, which i told her that today, hurt her so much she asked if i was committing suicide, i hate that word there are no such things as goodbye, why would you say that.
just responded back real easy, when this is finalized, i am telling you goodbye and thought i'd start now. we're never going to have this or this, weddings hs graduations blended families seperated holidays fights over this or that with the kids you going to date, man i hate the thought of that, i really do, i have no interest in a woman at the moment, let alone taking the time to get to know one and one to get to know me.
i also learned a lot about trust. you really can not trust your spouse, mlc or not, you can trust a friend or stranger, but family you just can't trust them and they probably can't trust you either.
i'll prove the stranger bit, just to put the theory to the test met a homeless person picked em up and went to gas station, said i'd be right back and i left the keys in the ignition, didn't say a word, well the person and the car were still there and i waited inside for 5 minutes. money i left out was to, gave the person $60 when dropped off just because.
heard all about that person's story.
a lot of people aspire to be somebody, i aspired to be one hell of a husband, the dad part was lacking.
i got a new role now, i need to teach my son how to be a man earlier than he should have to and at some point d will come around, but this instability it's killing them too.
with me there is nothing familiar, it's all new and sux.
time for me to get settled somewhere so they can too.
so for them, i'm going to try to settle this, my atty she can go to heck, I don't care about a legal system, it's too late anyway.
i'm going to forgo holidays with the kids again this yr, told wife that too, said you know, think i'm going to wait until 11 for holidays and just take odd yrs, she asked why, said because maybe just maybe you'll be cooled off enough to see what it's like to have it really hit to have a xmas morning without your family.
ur right mlc you're not fighting for a marriage, you fight for urself, pray for the opportunity and we're charged with being the gate keepers if they make it back, but until the divorce we're casualties, after the divorce well time will tell for me, but so far how i feel now, i'll wait, I'm not jumping into anything, haven't figured out what i like to do yet. so no ayk isn't dating for a bit.
my car when i get one, i'm going to get a personalized tag and i'm going to make reference like MLC09 or something or MLCSVR, I don't know but i'm going to have some fun with it, what the heck else am i going to do, got me for everything else.
all along been trying way too hard and loving too much.
Or is it really that you haven't been loving enough to give her what she wants? Think about that.
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now she's done a terrible job of following much of any rule and i've been letting the boundaries fall.
You can't control what is uncontrollable.
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i went to her atty today and dropped off my little red book of stuff pulled etc.
Why did you give it HER attorney? Don't be a martyr!
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i'm not monitoring it anymore. my d won't get in the car and my wife isn't going to make her, she's never made d do anything and that's fine, it's there relationship and well there isn't any winning. D will come around.
Let D deal with the consequences of her actions...she is old enough to know the difference between right and wrong...if she isn't...then she will learn the hard way.
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resources there is debate stringing it along or making them do all the work, in my families case, stalling or her doing the work isn't going to help. it's only going to pro long the mlc and everything else.
Each situation is different...you have to apply the resources as best you can to the situation. We try to help you apply them with emotional detachment instead of applying them in emotional outrage....there is a difference.
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but in this case giving the divorce, that does take the heat off of me and you know even more than saying goodbye, which i told her that today, hurt her so much she asked if i was committing suicide, i hate that word there are no such things as goodbye, why would you say that.
Saying goodbye is a good set towards closure AYK....it really is.
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i got a new role now, i need to teach my son how to be a man earlier than he should have to and at some point d will come around, but this instability it's killing them too.
Then be his rock!
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i also learned a lot about trust. you really can not trust your spouse, mlc or not, you can trust a friend or stranger, but family you just can't trust them and they probably can't trust you either.
This statement is an example of why we push to self journey so much....You have to learn to be able to trust again. If you don't take the journey you will always have a hard time trusting or loving in the future. The pain you feel now will continue to affect you the rest of your life.....is that something you want?
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ur right mlc you're not fighting for a marriage, you fight for urself, pray for the opportunity and we're charged with being the gate keepers if they make it back, but until the divorce we're casualties,
You are fighting for you...not as the gatekeeper if they come back or as a casualty of war...but for you. So that pain like you describe in the above quote about trust does not affect you for the rest of your life. I see so many divorced people at the bar who are just filled with anger, resentment, distrust, and self-pity....it is just sad to see. The truth though...they choose to be that way inside of looking inside.
The choice is yours AYK.......you still haven't made it though. So what do YOU want?
He said yeah ayk, it's over, it's pretty clear, that no matter what I said to her. She's given up and you two are just incompatible. She doesn't want to be married.
Well we all know it's the disease.
Somewhere deep inside, my wife has an unresolved issue, all the emotional needs and stuff she said, all masks.
She's said alone enough it's depression.She lost her voice. Something in her is unfulfilled. Voice is a curious word,I wonder what she wanted the wold to hear.
