Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

P don't worry- I am getting good at this (not expecting him to dump OW today or tomorrow so to speak) after being separated 11 months! I am living my life the best that I can under the circumstances I am choosing for myself...my choice and I own it!

But I am not obsessing over him as much as I used to yet I refuse to pretend that I don't think about him ;-)

[newmama]

BTW Blownaway, they do still make the johnny jumper! S has an "exersaucer" thingy that he bounces around in and loves!

[newmama]

anyone know why maybe it isn't working when I try control+v and control+c? Did I disable a function maybe?

[newmama]

I copied this from Flowmom's thread (thanks, FM!) And the statements in red are the ones I think I have mastered; the ones in green I am working on, and the rest is not completed!

What is detachment?
Detachment is the:
* Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves.
* Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational
* Giving another person "the space" to be herself * Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people.[/color[color:#009900]]
* Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing.
* Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.
* Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence.
* Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.
* Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling.
* Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.
* Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point.
* Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
* Ability to allow people to be who they "really are" rather than who you "want them to be."
* Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you

[newmama]

he just called...said he wanted to know if I could reschedule ny hair appt because he needs to go to the dr tomorrow a.m. and is freaking out...so I asked why? he told me about the lump and then he said that today he went for an ultrasound and usually when they want to see you the next day it's not good.

I did my best to sound reassuring but let my concern show.

He really did sound scared! So I consulted some friends and asked if I should offer to go with him (via text). They both said yes. So I sent him a text and just said

" Let me know if you want us to go with you to give you moral support. You can see how you feel tomorrow and decide then."

He replied and said "Ok thanks! I should be ok! Have a good night and kiss that boy for me!"

Sometimes real life calls for ditching the DB robot temporarily!

[courageous wife]

I agree NM...I did that when my H went in for a stint! Hope all comes out ok! Thinking of you guys!

[mindfull]

NM -

That's bad. Good job, on offering to take the little guy w/and be there for him.

I'll pray for him tonight.

[newmama]

Thank you CW and MF!! I'll let you know tomorrow!
I just think I should give him a hug or something. If he does have cancer, I will for sure. But the odds are against that most likely!

[luvless]

Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.

I'm going to write this down and read it to myself everyday!

[newmama]

yikes...apparently if the ultrasound shows the growth/tumor is solid, the reading is considered "abnormal" and in order to biopsy the tumor, the most common approach is to REMOVE THE WHOLE TESTICLE. This means remove it to check for Cancer when there is a good chance it is NOT cancer.

However, the sex drive and ability to perform are not affected.

still, pretty scary to lose a part of your body....