If the problem has always been there, it might be hormones...Did you read the sexless marriage book?

I barely touched my W for 9 of the 11 years, and I promise you I have no hormonal shortage. Worried about more kids, not connecting with her, the sex was never very good (good at most), and frankly I thought she didn't like it that much. I know her self-esteem was a big part of why the sex sucked. Also, because I wasn't connecting well with her, I didn't feel a love for doing it with her. The book, "Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It" was an eye opener that helped me connect better, making her more able to give it better.

The biggest thing to help the sex for me was reading about the problems we were having (don't laugh - but she was too wet..., etc.) and finding some solutions (time of day - mornings are much more relaxed for me, maybe for her, too). Even more powerful was talking out loud about it in a way that was about me and my needs, not about her. Telling her not that I wanted it, dealing with some embarrasments (like admitting some one-on-one over the years). In my religion, sex is something valued for an emotional connection, so it isn't a taboo topic, but it caught her by surprise to talk about it out loud.

Maybe 180s in this area would be valuable. What have you tried that doesn't work (scheduling sex, etc.). Maybe try something else. Someone here said something about hormonal cremes. Maybe that kind of thing could help.

I know you are ready to move on if this round doesn't work, but is it possible to see the round as not couselling, but gradual change with a timeline? MC can bring up old issues that take time to resolve. In the meantime, your hard work might get you a hard reward (:

My W wanted 4-5 week intervals. I said our M was worth the money and change needs to happen for us both to be happy. I got her to 2 wk intervals but she dropped out. I kept going. My changes opened her eyes, as did beginning the D in Oct. Now, she's opening up. Still, one year from when we began, I know I have a deadline - May. If things aren't working out, I'm moving on. I'm putting my eggs into my basket, not into the hopes of a perfect counselor. A good MC can still not hit all the notes for everyone.

Rememeber Tim, I'm 34 and you've got leagues of experiences I don't have. You stuck it out for years more than I. Read what I say with that in mind...~