Would he like me to go away this weekend so that he can have the children and think about things without me there.
I read in one book that sex is the thing you promise to always give and try to enjoy by getting married. You do not want him going elsewhere when in Belgium, so why not try to enjoy it or spice it up? Show him that you are looking to love him, not any OM who tries to steal you.
Originally Posted By: Clife
But he will not spend any time alone with me, apart from occasional 'visits' to my bed. I asked him the other day if he wanted company on a short shopping trip and he shrugged and said not really. I was crushed, which sent me on a downward spiral.
I can't say I haven't done that, either. Just remember, he probably didn't want to hurt you by it, but you did suggest he separated from you, so why shouldn't he get used to the idea? Asking to go with him is pursuing...a kind of 'begging'. Maybe, if it comes up again, try something like, "I had xyz to buy as well. I can go later, but if you are OK with a small detour we could save some gas" ... and then try to have fun on the trip.
Originally Posted By: Clife
He also never sits next to me on the sofa, he would rather stand if there are no other seats.
But you sitting with him is the 180, not having him sit with you. Sooo many times, my W has been really upset because I don't sit to have tea with her. I recongize that I could've tried, but I just didn't want to. Now I know some of the causes and have sat with her more often. My 180... She still never comes to hug me or anything while I work. I guess what I'm trying to say in my verbose way, is that your tortoise might like you coming to him. If you sat down, put your hand on his knee or whatever you might do, said nothing except words of support for what he's doing/not trying to distract him, he might get up and leave. BUT...then he'll be thinking about your choice. If you have hate for his action, this might not be the best. It is a risk. Do it if your heart is in it.
Originally Posted By: Clife
I always say i don't want him to leave but if he feels he doesn't want to be with me anymore then he should leave.
Let HIM decide that on his own. Did you tell him you don't want a separation and that your words were just overrun sadness and remorse for the sitch you (and he) got yourselves into? That you've been re-evaluating a lot.
I think, not know, that the "rules" don't exist. The author and other similar minded authors speak of various angles to meet a goal, not a step-by-step do it my way or are you listening. You need to do what feels like it is succeeding. You do not need to stay in a bad marriage, but you want to make a wonderful marriage with this man. Why not put your full effort and be willing to risk a lot to try and get there? Right now, he's living with you. This gives you a chance to back off the stuff that didn't work, while doing a couple 180s that show him you are working to make long-term changes. His job is just to notice it and God willing, he'll find the heart to forgive, ignore your backslides, and move on with you in his life.
As far as mine, it is here . Caution - there are things that I said that were just venting, but as I've found a better connection to my W, my point of view is changing. The only common theme is that it really was and to a large extent is a one-sided love R. She loves me, but had problems showing it. Now, I feel something more than caring, but not enough to be able to say ILY to her. Rough for her, eh....
