flowmom | shifting from devastated to rebuilding

[flowmom]

Another hard night with H. I manage to keep smooth in spite of my emotions running high and being totally exhausted. Then I hear H talking in the kids' bedroom as I'm putting clothes away in the next room. At first I thought he was talking to S6, then I figure out that he's talking on his cell phone (S6 was asleep by then) saying "before marriage, it's hard to project into the future what things will be deal-breakers after marriage. I remember when my ex wife used to start papers the night before they were due in university..."

As soon as I heard that I went into the bedroom and said "Flowdad, would you please do me the respect of having that conversation outside of my home". He stopped the conversation, came out of the kids' bedroom and then said to my back: "I'm sorry. Someone was asking me for marital advice, which I shouldn't be giving. Not a classy move." I didn't respond. He left.

Yep. It's been a great day . That's the first time that H has referred to me as his ex in my hearing . I wonder how many people have heard his story about how hard it was to be married to me. I guess the entire universe since he had to complain to my best friend about how horrible a wife I was. He was talking about my procrastination issues on the phone. I guess I'll also look like a b*tch for stopping his conversation. I haven't said a single negative thing about him to anyone except my sister and best friend since we separated. So much for H telling me just last night that he didn't want to be a jerk or *--hole to me.

Well, I guess H has found a few indirect ways of making his state of mind crystal clear to me.

The pain feels unbearable...