I don't know your entire story but it does sound like NC is so important right now..not just to save your marriage but just for you to be able to find some peace. I am only separated 2 months..I too have found it so difficult to go without contact..also afraid of out of sight out of mind. However, I have gotten much better with this. When the feeling of making contact comes over you..completely distract yourself with something else. Treat it like an addiction that you really want to overcome..like smoking or overeating.
It isn't easy..but just like a craving..after a few minutes it disappears if you don't give it too much meaning or energy. You feel so much better about yourself when you refrain.
Continuing to contact H just wears on your self esteem. Practicing some self discipline is really such a good way of feeling back in control of things...not so powerless over your situation.
Try not to look at every contact from him as an opportunity to have a conversation. Have the necessary contact to ensure your family is taken care of...but wait for him to make some meaningful contact. My H is always more receptive to things when it is his idea.
