I think I'd rather be dead than this- WAW

[Quart9]

Thank you Mr. Bond. Yes, I see where her family could side with her. I don't believe BIL would though. He and I are pretty good friends and have always stuck up for one another over the years.

I just feel like at least one person on her side of the family needs to know what's going on. If the divorce goes through and she begins to openly date OM I want them (or atleast my BIL) to know where OM came from.

I got a text from W this AM that said, "I hope you can forgive me." I asked her if she could for give me. She said, "of course." I was puzzled by this so I sent a text back to her and said, "will you stop having this affair?" This was probably the wrong question to ask her, but IMO I thought I should match her blatantcy.

Her reply: "I am not getting back together with you. If I wasn't seeing someone it wouldn't be any different between you and I. I do not want to be with you anymore. You need to realize it is over betwen us. Move on."

WTF? I had said nothing to her about getting back together. This all seemed so random. I didn't want to get into an arguement with her but I was so taken aback by this I told her we were not just boyfriend and girlfriend, that we had taken vows, and that telling me to 'move on' seemed immature to say.

No response. She has so little respect for me. I guess she thinks she can ignore me and I'll just go away.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I got a text from W this AM that said, "I hope you can forgive me." I asked her if she could for give me. She said, "of course." I was puzzled by this so I sent a text back to her and said, "will you stop having this affair?" This was probably the wrong question to ask her, but IMO I thought I should match her blatantcy.

Her reply: "I am not getting back together with you. If I wasn't seeing someone it wouldn't be any different between you and I. I do not want to be with you anymore. You need to realize it is over betwen us. Move on."

WTF? I had said nothing to her about getting back together. This all seemed so random.

I dunno, I took it the exact same way. If the definition of "affair" is "to have a romantic relationship with someone other than your spouse," then to "stop having this affair" would mean, by implication, "get back together with your spouse" . . . no???

Puppy

[MrBond]

You shouldn't have even replied. She's just looking to bait you to alleviate her guilt. She "hopes" you can forgive her, yet doesn't say anything about remorse or that she's sorry. It's fake.

She doesn't respect you to even give you a descent answer or apology. Don't fall for it again.

[dburt]

Next time you get a text, come here first. Longer you wait to answer is a good thing anyway. Whew, she is playing you like a fiddle.

Burt

[Quart9]

Oops - I see your point Puppy. I should have been more clear because I meant it more like: if you want my forgiveness will you stop doing what I should forgive you for.

Your right Mr. Bond and dburt. I should not even have responded. What sucker.

Why will she not just go get the freak'n D started herself if she is so hellbent on being done with me? It makes no sense.

[MrBond]

Uh yeah it makes perfect sense. In the end she doesn't want to seem like the "bad guy" so she drives you nuts with why YOU haven't filed yet, so she gets off scott free with a clear conscience.

Look at all the sitches including mine. All of our spouses left and no matter how badly they claim the LBS treated them, they haven't lifted a finger to move the D along.

Yet they have the lousiest attitude and anger towards the LBS.

What's wrong with this picture?

So the best thing to do is to hunker down and let the WAS blow their paths of destruction around you. You don't let them affect you. It's hard, but you can and must do it.

[crushed_v95]

I think she's getting a big kick out of toying with you, and I have to go back and agree with the others who said you should have moved back into your place and turned the tables. Imagine the priceless entertainment that would have been forthcoming from you staying?

Soon enough you'll be over this wretched skank, and you'll look back on her with a combination of mirth and pity. Until then, know that we're all behind you.

[Quart9]

Hey Mr. Bond I don't get this: "So the best thing to do is to hunker down and let the WAS blow their paths of destruction around you." What do you mean?

So she won't intiate the D because she doesn't want to look like the bad guy? I was hoping she would say she wanted a D in our convo yesterday. She never once brought it up and I didn't either. Maybe I should have.

I still can't believe she told me to just "move on" like we were breaking up and our sitch doesn't require a D to do so. I'm amazed by how callow she is about marriage. Like moving on and washing your hands of someone is such an easy thing to do after spending 9 years with them ya know.

I don't think she is toying with me Crush - she's just heartless now as far as I'm concerned to her. And knowing what I know now, I essentially would have been moving back into a whore house if I had done that. I don't think it would have been entertainment but rather even more hell.

The hopelessness of this sitch is pretty overwheling at times. The next opportunity I have to go to the courthouse and file the D papers is on Friday after class. I'm hoping to feel some relief once I get that going. Thanks for being behind me.

[MrBond]

The thing is she is pushing your buttons to get a reaction out of you. She makes it sound like it's a positive thing, but then when you respond in a positive way, she smacks you on the nose with the newspaper. It's cruel and sadistic, but it's how the WAS works.

So what you do is not to get baited into things. Just ignore right now. Understand that you can't change her right now but you can change the environment that she's in. Be the strong one that people look up to rather than look down on.

[Quart9]

I understand now what you are saying Mr. Bond. About the only way I can change her environment at this point is to D her. My options seem pretty limited when it comes to affecting her.