My heart goes out to you, as I read what you've posted. My prayers are going up for the Lord to give you strength to fight this battle, to meet the needs of you and your children; as the Lord does NOT abandon the needy; He meets their needs.
It is always crushing to have the one you love to say and do some of the most AWFUL things in the world to you.
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One time he looked at me and said, "Do you think I'm kidding about all this"..I'm not...I'm not attracted to you and I can't help the way I feel...and he looked me dead in the eyes and said it"...that was crushing...it crushed my spirit and no one should ever have their spirit crushed...
I, too, had had something similar to this said to me; it nearly killed me. It was so hard to see that he wasn't "himself"; and was being influenced by the pain within.
The "control" you think you're seeing is him totally out of control, bent on doing what he wants to do when he wants to do it, no matter who or what stands in his way.
Can't do wrong and get by; and his time is coming; don't know when, but it will.
The hurt is terrible, and for a time it destroys your heart, making you numb.
You are a fighter, Treese; and I don't see you laying down and giving up. There's too much at stake, and people who still need you. Keep venting..I and many others are listening.
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I checked into H getting money out of his 401K...it's says in hardship cases which I have to say we are in at this time...so I told him that and he said he couldn't get it because it would cause serious tax implications...I don't care...all I care about is getting through this tough time...it's his pay that's gotten chopped and he is paying 600 a month to a kid I've never even met...nor have my kids...this is the child he had while having an affair on me 10 years ago and I had nooooo idea ....well, I think maybe I did but buried it and didn't want to believe it..we all can bury stuff and unfortunately when it comes out it blows..
Maybe I'm wrong, but aren't you entitled to HALF of that money since you're divorcing; just as you'd be entitled to half of everything; unless you can come to some kind of an agreement?
He doesn't have any money? I don't believe that; somehow he's taking some of it before the direct deposit goes in; or maybe he's fixed it where some of it is going to an account you don't know about; and you get what's left? There's no end the sneaky ways they operate.
These are some thoughts that are occurring to me as I read this rant; believe it or not, sometimes the answers you need come from the ranting you do. Each person contains the answers within themselves, and throwing it out on the table, will sometimes bring surprising answers; things we know, but haven't accessed.
As you can, direct your focus BACK on you; take care of yourself. Trust that God WILL take of you and the children. Work on yourself; detach and distance from him. Build your strength, set your goals, get on with your life.
He's betrayed HIMSELF, not you; you sleep at night, he DOESN'T sleep at all. Don't think for one second he doesn't suffer guilt, he DOES. You're facing financial problems; he's facing far worse than you are; he's morally bankrupt, and to me that's WORSE than anything we could face in a material world.
I'd rather face all the financial problems in the world, than to have to live with betraying my family; living with guilt that will NEVER go away. He's on a low road, you're on a high one.
The best revenge we can take on anyone is to wish them well and be happy for them. They would rather we be angry, turn on them, and feed their justifications for their bad behavior.....take that away, and they have no ammunition, no power over us.
You WILL be a success, regardless if your marriage makes it or not, Treese, believe that, and come to see it as a reality within YOU.
Take care of yourself, for YOU are most important, I can promise you that.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
Each person contains the answers within themselves, and throwing it out on the table, will sometimes bring surprising answers; things we know, but haven't accessed.
