Soaring Solo 2010

[Gardener]

Well, after lurking and peeking in on many of you without much to offer, thought I'd come home here and ask the group two questions. I may make it two posts.
Today I was thinking about two uncharacteristic exchanges with - and honesty from - then STBXW. The first one was on January 17:

Four hours later she calls. After a couple of surprising pleasantries absent her now-standard cold-to-disdainful tone, she starts to cry: She's sorry for this. For this strife. For all of this. For her part in turning it into strife. She never wanted this. She sits there sometimes and wonder how it came to this, etc. I calm her down, try to soothe (I know, I know), tell her I have also sat here and wondered how it all - all - came to this.

Siuddenly again on January 23rd:

I called her. We discussed calmly and decently. For the second time in a week, she suddenly sounds like her again, the one whose been alien-AWOL for 14 months. Go figure.
And the one who last Sunday was suddenly crying to me on the phone about never meaning "to cause all this strife, all this destruction, all this!" Listens to me calmly as I close our conversation by saying,
"This was unnecessary.I was changeable. You were changeable.We were improvable."
To which she replies - get this - that she agrees with me and launches into a regret of "letting so many resentments build up unnecessarily toward the end but I never learned how to voice my opinions, my expectations."....(I told her StepD emailed me saying), "I do know that Mom clearly and regularly communicated unhappiness and concern over your relationship over a long, extended period of time."

Mrs. G. fell silent at that and I said to her, "I resisted the temptation to email back to StepD the first thought that popped into my head when I read that: 'Not to me she didn't!' (Mrs.G), I wish you had told me!"

To which Mrs. G responds,"So do I. I wish I had, too."

I was completely WTF flabbergasted both times. But now I'm wondering: Did I miss an opening, here? An opportunity to say, "Well, it sounds like you've been doing some thinking. Do you want to talk?" Or am I just seeing her on her own roller coaster?

A couple of weeks later, in the courtroom, I was almost tempted to throw her a quick, "It's still not too late, you know," but frankly I was afraid of having read this all totally wrong and getting a, "No way," kind of reply and kicking myself in the arse for opening up that one last time.

Thoughts and 2x4s time. Line up!