Am I in the right place? Need advice and support.

[Clife]

Thanks so much Onthemountaintop!

That was such a well thought out response and i really appreciate it! You have given me so much to think about, and in a good constructive way too.

You're right, i need to let him be in 'limboland' for as long as he needs. I may have 'seen the light' as far as our marriage is concerned but he will need to get over my betrayal before he can make any decisions regarding our M.

Its not easy being patient. My sister has always said i'm the hare and my H is the tortoise. I guess i want what most people want, a very happy M with the partner i love. And to do that i want him to heal quicker which is unfair as he has to heal at his own pace.
Thank you, you have put into perspective something i have been struggling with today.

I did text him and ask what he wanted me to do to make his stress levels easier. Would he like me to go away this weekend so that he can have the children and think about things without me there. It would also give me the space to cut out the cycle of sex on the friday, and me feeling left and alone on the saturday evening. Just a thought.

I don't need to prompt him anymore to be with the children, he readily keeps them company now. Which is a complete 180 for him.
But he will not spend any time alone with me, apart from occasional 'visits' to my bed.
I asked him the other day if he wanted company on a short shopping trip and he shrugged and said not really. I was crushed, which sent me on a downward spiral.
He also never sits next to me on the sofa, he would rather stand if there are no other seats. So me sitting next to him to help with his work would not work at the moment. But i did think a while back that thats what i would do in the future, so we are thinking on the same lines there!

I always say i don't want him to leave but if he feels he doesn't want to be with me anymore then he should leave. But i stress that that is NOT what i want.I love him and i always tell him that, but as you said before maybe he feels guilty at the moment because he cannot say it back. So i should stop saying it. I suppose i say it because I was the one walking away, saying my love for him wasn't the same anymore. I want him to feel valued and loved. I'm not sure what else i can do on that score as im always trying to make him feel loved. I worry that if i do a 180 on that it would be going backward to before my affair. Confused on that. Are the rules different for the WAW who is now trying to piece?

Is your sitch on here somewhere? Why was your relationship loveless from the start? And whose side was that on? That would be a very hard life to lead unless you fell in love over time. But you did say things are looking up, I hope they continue to do so.

Thanks 4 your insight on my sitch, its been helpful.Goodluck to you too.