I have sparred with the ex via email the previous two days.
xW finally responded by text to my request for her not to bring OM to S9's pinewood derby on Saturday, as that was a special event for me and my S's that she was trying to encroach upon. She had already ignored my request and brought OM anyway. So the next day, AFTER having disregarded my request, she sent this email trying to lie and make excuses for what she did.
She said, among many things, that Saturday was her day -- or it would have been had she not requested we trade days. (But the concept of fairness in such deals seems to elude her.)
And then she started popping off about how I am saying nasty things about her, OM and xMIL to our S's -- all of it lies and fabrications -- basically trying to go on the offensive with me.
She also threw in her worn-out rhetoric about how my failure to do this or that caused the end of our M.
Mind you, I had said nothing yet about her disregard and disrespect for my request, and then she follows up with this bombastic email the next day.
Well, obviously, I am not the sort of person who can easily let such lies and distortions go unchallenged -- especially when she is brainwashing my children to repeat them. So I sent a reply. I rebuked her for her lying, cheating and faithlessness. I told her she was wrong for failing to practice discretion around our S's (it would have been better had she said nothing at all to them) and instead getting them to perpetuate her lies and delusions about her and OM. She's been telling our S's this fantasy that she and OM had never been anything more than friends until recently -- and that thereby their father was wrong and lying about them to everyone.
I told her that all her lies were beginning to catch up to her, and that her S's were beginning to recognize them for what they were. I told her that S9 had already expressed disappointment in his mother for reneging on her oath that she would never, ever get married again -- claiming that I had "ruined her on M." S9 said that his mother had also claimed that OM was just a friend, but that too was not true, OM was evidently more. So for these reasons S9 called his mother a "liar", using that very word.
To her credit, I told xW, I had responded to S9 to say that his mother would claim, rightly or wrongly, that she had a right to change her mind. She is his mother and he needs to respect her.
xW then shot back that she never told S9 she would not ever get M'ed again, but that she was only "afraid" to. But now she had decided she was no longer afraid, because of she and OM had decided to not give up on M just because she and he had "chosen the wrong people in the past".
I replied that that too was a lie, that she was again changing her story. What she had said to S9 and S5 about never getting married again she had also said to me separately. She had from the very beginning tried to convince me that she and OM were nothing more than "friends." She had tried to play all innocent from the very outset and that because of me and my supposed psychological "abuse" of her she would never get M'ed again.
I told her I had known better even back then, but I held my tongue. All the evidence proved otherwise, beyond a shadow of a doubt. She hung herself with every deed and action thereafter.
I said to her it was never about her and he having chosen the "wrong people" -- it was about her and her lifelong baggage she's been carrying around and still refuses to deal with, a life of self-deception, insincerity and an unwillingness to truly commit to a healthy R with anyone she could not control. It has to do with her renouncing her professed values and embracing selfishness, and then blaming me and everyone else if she's not perpetually "happy." She ran from our M rather than faithfully committing to healing it, but her baggage of insecurity and dishonesty still follows her.
I asked her then did she really think her union with another unrepentant adulterer and cheater, the both of them on their third or later M, had a snow-ball's chance of making it? Did she really think a M born of lies, treachery and deceit would last? How long would it be before either of them cheated on the other?
And then I asked her, driving the point home, what happens to S9 and S5, and what do you tell them when/if it fails? Regarding the OM and bringing him into their lives, I said:
Quote:
Why should they put any faith in your poor choices, risk their trust and well being on such dismal odds? By parable, would you let our sons board an airliner that had less than half of one percent chance of surviving the flight? Your risks aside, where is your concern for S9 and S5?
xW just replied again that she and OM started out as friends, and that it developed into more only after the S, but she doesn't care what I might think.
So basically she plans to stick to her little fairy tale. And that what I know to be true doesn't really matter, not to her.
I washed my hands of her at this point. She's hopeless. She doesn't care what she says or does, she just wants to have what she wants no matter who gets hurt. Not even our children.
