flowmom | shifting from devastated to rebuilding

[flowmom]

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

Step 1: It is important to first identify those people, places and things in your life from which you would be best to develop emotional detachment in order to retain your personal, physical, emotional and spiritual health.

I need to emotionally detach from H.

We are in a toxic R:

* H is emotionally unavailable to me.
* H is overly dependent on me in coparenting matters.
* I am overly dependent on H financially.
* H has the power to impact my feelings about myself.
* In our R, I chronically tried to fix H's problems and health issues, and enabled his unrealistic way of managing his life.
* We have a relationship in which my loyalty doesn't allow me to let go.
* H has often appeared helpless, lost and out of control.
* H's refusal to deal with his stress, depression, and sleep issues are self-destructive given his severe kidney disease.
* We have a relationship in which H has not been transparent about his feelings and plans.
* Guilt (about how it would affect the children) is a major motivating factor preventing my letting go and detaching.
* In this relationship, I have a fantasy that H will come around and change to be what I want.
* We have a relationship in which H and I are competitive for control.
* In this R, H is not willing to forgive or forget and all past hurts are still brought up to hurt me.
* In this R, my needs and wants are ignored.

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I'm in a toxic R with H. I need to detach from him for my own health.