Ok. Stand by the comment then. I disagree with you. I don't find it to be a copout to submit to the authority of the church regarding matters that the church rules on.
But that is just me. It doesn't mean I can't still live my life.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
When do you start your new job? I don't remember if you said. Knew it was a few weeks.
What about childcare? Is it a conflict?
Hope it all goes smoothly.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
just throwing this out k4, but as you said, you abdicated a lot of decision making with your w when you were married. You didn't like making choices (per you). And you continued to have trouble making decisions for the longest time, even smallish ones with the girls, since (e.g., buying a book, who should pay? Changing the time of something small, how to do it, etc).
So, while this "Submit to authority" may be exactly what you say it is; theological submission, you gotta admit it is self serving b/c once again, you don't have to do the "hard work" of taking responsibility for deciding or choosing. Food for thought. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I guess what I simply cannot understand is why you are not more concerned about "life things".
While I can't say I agree, I get what you are saying about the Church being the only institute that can declare your marriage valid or invalid. However, there is a reason we have a separation of church and state.
You said yourself you see no hope in your marriage at all anymore. You said yourself your W is still with OM(s). Almost two years have passed and nothing about the R you have with your W has changed EXCEPT it seems things have started to shift in a better direction with co-parenting.
Whatever the Church declares is what you will live by morally, i I get it. But the Church can't declare things that MUST be addressed by all adults. You recently experienced this w/the health insurance issue.
If the Church looks at a legal divorce as "just a piece of paper" then what is the big deal to GET that piece of paper. It will straighten out all kinds of "life things" with you and your W (money, insurance, who will be responsible for what for the children) and so on.
I guess I have to ask you if you are simply waiting for your W to file (or never file and keep things as is) so you don't have to?
well perhaps k4 thinks if he gets an annulment he can date and remarry and thereby end his loneliness AND not give it another thought..."what divorce? What failed m? There was NO m!!" It would mean not changing himself so much, e.g., treating the long term intermittent depression, gaining coping skills and decision making techniques that are age appropriate (sorry if that sounds harsh, I don't mean it to).
Also might allow for him to somehow ignore or skim over the rest of the implications that logically follow an annulment when so much time passed in the "fake" marriage, and children were born of it. How do you tell the kids they were not born of a valid marriage? What does it mean about their legitimacy, and how is his not wanting to be Catholic until now, somehow meant to mean that neither he nor she meant or understood their vows when they made them, among other things. These are just a few wrinkles in the approach but I don't think they're even necessary.
K4 likes rigidity b/c it provides clarity and safety to him. He says he doesn't like gray areas or "lingering questions" and that it would so bother him, he'll live like a monk if there's no annulment --OR he'll "fail" to live the monastic life, and then he can feel crappy about himself forever...some choice. Priests at Catholic U would tell us "how can you hold onto a conviction or belief if you've never challenged it?" AND more relevant to this, I was frequently told "the mystery of our faith means in part that there are unknowns and we accept that we don't know all the answers"...otherwise it's like the idea of a grasshopper pondering whether we are plants or aliens or Democrats or Republicans...I mean, we are so beyond the ken of grasshoppers, like God is so beyond our comprehension, I don't get bogged down in the details of creed that seem to give you comfort. I fear the need for so much detail and "instruction" on your end, will not lead you to more happiness, but less. And keep you from doing the real work we've been nagging you about for over a year now. Wow, it has been awhile...just looked at dates. Yikes.
But Yes there is a more loving way to live, K4 and it is "The Way"...meaning, don't make it harder than it already is, Kev. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
And he can "find a better mom for the girls" .....
I blurted this out in a frusturating moment Drew.
I have to go get my kids from school, but I will address the other posts shortly.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
