H, Checking in to lend support & hugs. Have caught up and you have come so far! You've learned what "works" w your H (water off a duck's back instead of tough love) & in your last post you sound more sure of what you want, more confident and assertive than ever before! Bravo!
It's true how we go up & down. 2 weeks ago I was a mess, felt I was going backwards. Last week I was fine. even though I know you're kind of down, the difference I hear is you are no longer doubting yourself. You know what you want, from an H and for yourself, you know your worth and what you deserve. That doesn't mean you (or me or any of us) won't ever feel sad, down, the loss. But you've set your boundaries & H pushed back. Your email was totally nice! He was over reacting to make himself seem like a victim. He even realized himself & that's why he back pedaled & apologized. I'm sorry you had to go through his verbal abuse. (sounds like it to me).
But I'm glad you see that you've done nothing wrong, in fact what you've done is the best thing for you. And you did it in a very kind way. I think you can see that his erratic behavior (attacking then apologizing) shows he's not really being logical.
This hit home: "ANd I wonder, is it worth fighting over stuff/$? I've agreed to a generous payment plan - and I'm fine w that - but I wonder if I let the $ stuff go would it have made any difference? ."
I am going through this now too, finalizing the S agreement, which once signed will be a 1/2 hr. court date to dissolve the M. I've come back & asked for H to pay for 1/2 my L fees, and split the cr. card debt 60/40, not b/c of the money but the principle of me not paying for his bar tabs, dinners out etc. I've second guessed myself, folks on here have said it's not being petty. I just keep coming back to, he's done & I'm done with married to someone who doesn't want to be married to me. So I don't think asking for more in the S agrmt. is going to make any difference 1 way or another. And for you, I don't think anything in your email to H would make any difference. You did the right thing.
Thank you for that really nice post you left on my thread. I really do feel like we're good friends after all these mos., and we do have some similarities in our sitches. You've helped me more than you know so if anything I've posted helped you then I am really glad. You have your head on straight and are headed in a very exciting direction. I am excited for you! Sending lot of support & hugs your way. ((())))
