beginning to see the real W

[Kalni]

I feel the same way. Most of my friends are either at Surviving or quit posting and one (Ali) has stopped posting after piecing, she is doing fine. I am stuck here, wondering the same thing...
K

[fightingirish]

Doc, I'm wondering the same thing...

Been here since July of 2006... Its fustrating.

[fightingirish]

Especially since knowone comments on your stitch anymore.

[MrBond]

I guess it's because things have seemed just stagnant for so long. Have you thought about revisiting your DB goals, then trying 180s, etc.?

It still seems like your W needs jolt to snap her into a direction towards you. It seems like since you've left it up to her to feel what she's going to feel, she's going to drag you along very slowly. Maybe you just need to take charge once again.

Just my 2 cents.

[Dr LOve]

Thanks everyone,

If you only knew how much your words meant to me today. I will always remember when I first started here I asked a “long time DBer” how long will it take? Their answer… As long as it takes…

Mr. Bond… James I presume… Sorry I had to do it…..

YES you are right. There has been no R talk in a while but the foundation has been being built to start it. Things are way better than they were years ago but I am my own worst enemy. I still jinx my own attitude sometimes. Today for instance I had a doctor’s appointment. I was over MIL house before and I mentioned something to her about it and she said “you need to take care of yourself” I answered back. Don’t worry If I go W will find someone to take care of her” MIL said “I don’t think W would marry again” Right away my mind goes into gear and thinks “being married to me was that bad”? Of course she probably just meant that W would not marry again with nothing to do with me but that is what my mind does to me sometimes.
Ok back to your statement Mr. Bond...things have been stagnant. I have started re reading some of my books to get re calibrated and I have started some 180s again We have a wedding to go to this month and I think that is a great “Ice breaker” to start our R talks again.
I was watching “Jeremiah” on TV today and at the end he always sends a note off to his dad. Today’s really got me thinking…
Someday I look around and I just can’t win for losing. I want to surrender; wave the white flag and just give up.
And then there are days like today. (When I read your posts) and I realize all I can hope for is small victories in the end they may be the ones that really count...

Have a great week everyone
Doc

Anyone out there that has my E-mail ANYTIME you need to talk shoot me an e-mail…

[Lotus]

Hi Doc,

Haven't posted to you in a while. I think the idea of going back to school in computer repair sounds very good. I wish you luck with your new career!

[MrBond]

Thanks Doc.

I've been following your sitch for awhile and I think the thing I see in your posts, mine and others is fear. We end up being afraid that if we do something to offend our WAS, they'll leave again. Or at least that's how it is my case.

I get the same triggers like you and have walked on eggshells so long I could probably walk on water by now.

One thing I did was to not have R talks with W per se, but truth talks. I centered them around her needs, what she wants, what she's looking for just to start the conversation. It's the getting to the conversation that's the hard part, but I think when it's done slowly without expectations or judgment, it become easier with each interaction.

I always use the analogy of a stray animal. You attract it a little at a time with no sudden movements and slowly they'll come towards you. At the very least, in my sitch, it has allowed me to ask my W the hard questions and she's not arguing with me anymore. She's actually listening and hopefully evaluating.

[Dr LOve]

Thanks Lotus,
I am kind of excited about it. I meet with a man from the state on Wednesday to start the paperwork.
Collage WOMEN……..Just kidding……
The only thing it that W is now going to have to go out and get a job. She has gone though some changes these last few weeks. SHE mentioned that if I go to school she will really need to start looking hard for a job or at least go work at a temp agency.
Yesterday we went to one of her cousin’s kid’s birthdays. W's sister was there and she made a comment about "Wife's body shape" W is about 5'7" her cousin is about 5'. Her cousin (Not to be mean) kind of looks like one of those kids toys "webills" you know the saying “Webills wobble but they don't fall downs” her sister said “you know it’s interesting you and XXXXXXXX have the same body shape except different sizes”
She is not obese but…..

I don’t think W liked that...she didn’t get mad but I think it got her thinking... Today all she talked about is how she is going to start watching what she eats... This is good… She is starting to take care of herself again. She has kind of thinking of herself as “I am not worth it...I’m a loser” attitude.

Mr. Bond, YES that is the approach I was going to take

[MrBond]

Good luck to you then sir!

[Yoyowife]

Hello Doc,
Catching up on you sitch, the schooling sounds great. I got your email and I'm so sorry I haven't answered back. So to answer your question, yes, Mr. A has a pickup. It is the south after all. LOL