The tunnel of darkness

[kjensen]

So stuff has been happening. Yesterday H emailed me a long email at work about understanding each other, how he feels shut off from the kids..they are angry at him because he was the one who left b/c I wouldn't...He is comfortable with his lot in life...

I responded that I was sorry he felt that way..I felt he walked away from his family as I never stop him from contacting/seeing the kids..I encourage them to share their feelings with him and if they don't it has nothing to do with me. They are angry at both of us, not just him...

Wasn't super validating, but lots of "I feel" statements..his email showed me his perception of everything is still very skewed and he's made no effort to see my point of view...

Last night D14 and I were in a car accident(other driver at fault)-car very damaged, no people damage except maybe D14's back-posible muscle strain?-she sees a doctor this afternoon. So I called D12 to let her know what happened and she called H who picked her up and came to the accident scene.

H was very supportive and caring..offered to lend me his car, drive me around..whatever I needed today. H drove D14 to school this morning. He kept saying that he cares about us and will always be there for us. In a conversation this morning he said he never walked away from our family that he tells the kids every day that he loves them, he can drive them here or there.. This I know to be incorrect as I can see there are days on end with no contact from him to the kids.

So his words are very positive right now, buthis actions in the past haven't matched. Last night and today his actions were more 'normal' and matched what he was saying..

Just don't feel he's anywhere close to being whole/normal. His vision of the world is very self-centered most of the time. If he really wanted to spend time with the girls these last several months, he would have. Its easy for me to start doubting myself when his worldview is so very diferent from my perception.