I needed a break so I just sat back and watched and I am seeing a disturbing trend going on with some of the advice given/taken...
I have been here for quite some time so I know who I can rely on to keep me straight...
I know whose advice is going to work for me and whose advice I can pick apart and use parts of...
Advice being the key word...Take what you think may apply to your sitch and use it as you feel fit...
However when you come here and talk about your spouse being bipolar, PTSD, BPD, OCD etc...
Stop using it as an excuse for what your spouse has done. Yes they may be cheating or they may be a WAS or even a spouse with MLC however you need to also take a long hard look in the mirror and see where you may have also not been the best spouse you could have been.
I know it is easier to demonize your spouse and blame them for every wrong doing under the sun however a marriage takes two people.
Take this time to do a little soul-searching...Find out what it is you truly want, then go for it...
You want to fight for your marriage? Great then make the necessary changes...Do the 180's, get the book and actually open it up and read it...GAL...
The quicker you can reach that point, the easier this is going to be for you...
As for the bipolar...I have seen some awful advice flying about the boards on this subject...
I for one have been living with this for over 20 years and it isn't a secret that I am opposed to meds (though I do take them) however let me make one thing very clear - Never in the 20 years I have been married did I leave my husband because of this...
I may have used it as an excuse for many things however destroying people isn't one of them...
Yes it is a mental disease however as a bipolar, even during mania you still have all your mental capacites in tact, you still know right from wrong...
Using it as an excuse to annihilate families is not tolerable...
Using it because of what your spouse has done is inexcusable...
It is a very hard thing to live with...
Not a cherry on top of your now crappy marriage...
Own your portion of the mess that has been created and take the time to become a better person because of it...
This didn't happen overnight and it won't be fixed overnight.
It takes a tremendous amount of time and no one on this board has a quick fix for you...
Blaming the problems on whatever mental issues your spouse has isn't going to make it any easier - Hell it may be a bit harder for you however you need to stop making excuses and start owning your own chit.
Going dark on a bipolar person just to "teach them" or make them come running back to you when they hit the depression stage is heartbreaking for me to see...
This isn't a game...This is life...Your life, their life and playing games like that is akin to playing Russian Roulette...
Keep pushing them like that and what happens when they get locked up in their mind with no hope of escape because you decided to "teach them a lesson"?
If you don't feel you can handle living with a person with bipolar, I would have to ask why did you get married in the first place? Did you think your love would make it go away?
It is life long and I have news for some of you - Meds and therapy don't always work for everyone...
It took me over 3 years before I had a cocktail of meds that actually worked for me...
I wonder where I would be at this moment if my H had taken the attitude of some of you and just gave up on me so long ago...
I only speak of this to educate some of you...
I only speak of bipolar because that is something I know...
If you don't know what you are talking about either don't say anything, offer a hug or better yet do a little research...
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
