I wasn't suggesting you be passive if divorce proceedings begin. Divorce by nature *is* an adversarial process. I think it might be Puppy or Coach that say there is a reason there is a "v" between the two spouses names on a divorce document.
If you do not want a divorce why would you initiate the filings? In some situations I can see why it would be necessary (and best) for the LBS to file but it doesn't appear that way in your situation. Your husband is contributing financially to the care and feeding of you and your children and is making some effort to co-parent. If he left you high and dry I could understand the need to file but he hasn't done that.
It is not uncommon for the WAS to hint, encourage and urge the LBS to file. It relieves them of the dirty work and makes them look less "bad".
You worry too much about your H. If he feels the process is too adversarial then perhaps he should have included you in the decisions instead of making decisions for himself, you and your children and letting you know after the fact.
Nice and divorce don't usually go hand in hand. Until you have actually experienced a divorce (I mean the legalities of it) you really have no earthly idea how hard it is. I always had empathy and sympathy for people going through a divorce but until I went through one myself I had NO CLUE what it was really like.
I guess my question to you would be this... your H opted not to collaborate with you about your marriage so why would you be willing to collaborate about a divorce you don't want?
Mediation is not a rapid or inexpensive process. I think people often think mediation will make things easier and I rarely thing that is the case.
