Vacillating husband

[talia]

Ruined,
Take a step back. You need to detach more before you can even consider trying to DB or help H. You NEED to go NC - stop making decisions based on how they will affect H - he no longer deserves that consideration. HE is cheating, HE wants D, HE hit you, HE does not respect you. GET OUT - GET A THERAPIST - GET A LIFE!!

Time for you to STOP - let me repeat - STOP thinking about how your behavior will affect H's depression. If NC makes him more depressed that's the path he needs to walk alone - if he threatens suicide to you again CALL THE POLICE. They will assess the situation and it has nothing to do with you - if they feel he needs to be held for his own safety - they will do so. Have your talk with MF and then leave it alone. Its not your battle to fight - H will have to realize himself that he has a problem - just like an addict.

I agree with newmama - he's just looking for attention from you to make himself feel better. He's projecting his feelings about ruining his own life on to you feeling that way about him - just brush it off. He's going to say WAY worse things as this goes. NONE of it has anything to do with you in actuality... Keep telling yourself.. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME... These are H's choices - none of it is actually personal. He's not doing it TO YOU - He's doing it to HIMSELF. That mantra has helped me alot in this situation.

Remember the best thing you can do for a WAS is to drop the rope and "give them what they want". Agree to D - but don't do anything - start dating (but don't do anything ) - Move on for yourself mentally - Get into IC ASAP - GAL.... Move away from H and see what happens.

I love your goals - I'd like to see your post when you figure out your DBing goals as well. I think the other goals are FANTASTIC for your long term PMA.


Get back on track - You are doing well so far!!

T