Struggling with Hope

[*KS*Chick*]

Remember how long you have been married, and how long she put up with "your BS".......but you can feel free to throw in the towel now if you want Eric.

Just remember the length of your stand.....and if you want to feel you did all you can, evaluate your stand based on that...

I know for me, I feel like I did all that I personally could do......and I have no regrets regarding our marriage.

Good morning everyone -

Last night was very interesting. W came home and I tried to appologize and was given the finger and told "I'll talk to you later". I went to the gym with the boys and when I got home she was on the phone again with her EA friend. Who knows if it is a PA. I have to say that I bite my tounge but expect that she will contact a L in the next day or so (she is off on Wed and Thurs). She is completely disconnected and quite frankly I've really had enough of this. I do love her and my kids but I also love myself and I cannot continue to be treated like a piece of sh*t. I know that I am angry but I think I'm really getting close to the point that I am done. I understood that some of things that I did in the past were wrong. It is not MY fault that she did not have boundaries. It is MY fault that I did not work on my issues until now. She also spoke to her friend that directed her to a lawyer the last time. They have not spoken in a while so i suspect that she will move forward with the D if for no other reason but so that she can begin a PA with the EA person. Knowing her she would not want to sin against GOD by having a PA while she is married. So i suspect that by moving forward with the D she will at least have some piece of mind. I also believe that she will suggest that I stay in the house since she understands that financially it would make more sence. I am not sure I am ready to do that but if it means being with my D then I think I'm up for it. I will say that the phone calls with the co-worker are a little tough to handle but I know that this is a normal feeling that i am going thru. This grieving process really stinks. I am very close to contacting my attny and starting the process first but I will not do anything until I cool off.