Puppy dog this is reall good advise. I am one of those eratic roller-coaster which is not healthy for me or my kids.
So goal for this week, keep even. Dont react, listen, listen, listen, validate and stay strong. Do not let my H control my emotions, keep to my boundaries.
Me 37 years young!! S11 S7 T22 M14 D final 13.05.2010 Today is the first day of the rest of my life!!! First post: D Day has arrived
This is a fantastic list and I totally agree with the content and refer back to it all the time. However, it doesnt tell you how to deal with kids in this situation. How do I DB when I am also trying to do waht is best for my kids and my H just thinks I am being a b?tch. I am not the one using them as a pawn - he is.
Me 37 years young!! S11 S7 T22 M14 D final 13.05.2010 Today is the first day of the rest of my life!!! First post: D Day has arrived
Nothing really new. Just trying to put up with the mood swings. We will have some really good days and then she will turn into alien wife at the drop of a hat. I really don't get it, but am trying to act "as if" no matter what she does. Our son is coping with his broken collarbone. He is such a good kid!
Her bad moods not only involve me, but kids as well. What's up with that?
That's an easy one. Other Man is married.
You think you are on a roller coaster. Imagine being this other guy. One hour your wife is all hot for him. Then before they get out of the back seat she is pissed at him because he is married. Then on the way home she is texting I love yous and noone has ever done it to me like you do. Then if he's not responding to her emails and instant messages all night long when she is locked in her room. Its over. But its not because she is dragging your kids so she can keep an eye on him the next day. Your wife is probably jealous to death of his secretary. Drives by his house on the way to the grocery store. Checks her phone constantly.
realize, he cant always give her attention when she is available and desires it. that is a tough spot to be in.
Steve, I'm not snooping as much as maybe I should, but as I said, I'm pretty sure most of communication takes place on cel phone which is a track phone. I cannot get bills, etc., and since she knows I have looked before, all she has to do is erase txts and calls and I have no way to find them. OM is not married any longer. D went through about 2 month ago. I would bust the affair if I had any hard evidence. Other than time spent at school and after meetings, I can't say to her "Gotcha!" You know what I mean? I know what she's doing, EA, PA, heavy flirting, whatever, isn't right. You know it, she knows it, everyone knows it! She won't see it right now. From what I have learned on here from Sandi, PDT, and others is to take my time and not push her farther away by being demanding and "mean". I am not asking questions about her whereabouts and what she is doing. I don't check her phone everytime she's in the shower or whatever because, in addition to driving me crazy, she knows to erase everything. That doesn't mean I am not looking and keeping my ears open, I am, I just can't afford to rush anything right now. BTW, OM lives about an hour away, so she can't drive by his house. All after school comm. takes place on tracphone. I am about halfway through DR book and trying to use strategies learned from there and here. Some things work and some don't. I'm still very much lost but not where I was a month ago. Hopefully I have some time to go before it's over.
Wow, what a night! The gains I/we have made in the last couple of weeks seem to have evaporated overnight. W was in bad, bad mood when I got home from work. I said "Hi there" and got a grunt in return. Didn't ask what was wrong, just small talk. Then the kids ran in the room telling me about their day and off I went to play with them. Later, I gave them showers and got them in bed. I took a shower and came in the kitchen to get a drink, she came in, I told her I was going to bed. She gave me a kiss that barely touched my lips and went to watch TV. I didn't ask if she was coming to bed or not. She slept on the couch all night. Got up this morning and more of the same, all pissy. Got ready for work early and she asked why I was ready so early. I said I had to go in early to get some stuff caught up. I gave the kids a kiss and walked through the kitchen to get a cup of coffee to go and told her see you tonight. She said OK and I left. No kiss this morning. Didn't want one anyway. It sure is easier when things are going smooth! I can't let her get to me, I know. Don't let her bring me down. I am becoming a better person for me and my kids and her if she chooses. I love my wife, but not the person who is in her body right now.
If this is the "real" her then, no. I don't think it is, though. The person I remember is loving and caring to me and our kids. This person is niether to any of us. What's the rule of thumb? One month for every year of marriage and I've only been doing this for about a month. Patience, right?
Feeling pretty down right now. After lunch, it just hit me. Trying to climb back up. I haven't had a day like this in a while and I know to expect them, but damn.
