Thanks for giving me hope. He has admitted that he is confused and hurting and that the only way to make this all end is a D. So, I do agree that is why he is heading that way, he wants his pain to stop and he feels that is the only way.
Yep, you are understanding him well... He may file, but that isnt' the end.. I read on here someplace today that a couple had filed three times before they actually put an end to things.
The thing is, your H IS feeling the pressure we are putting on him... That's a good thing... He just isnt' handling it well... he needs GUIDANCE is all...
I would give that place he went to a call and make sure that he does not go to see her again.. I would give them a piece of my mind...
"Why did my husband go to a session with one of YOUR counsellors and then file for divorce three days later? What kind of place are you running here anyway?"
Focus on living a great life and showing your husband a better solution than divorce...
mb28 I have something to tell you...
Before all this divorce busting stuff of your started...
I bet you didn't like your husband very much I bet you were very angry at him I bet you couldn't care less where he was or what he was doing I bet you didn't even notice if he was there half the time
Well, you have through this trying time won something precious for yourself...
You, my dear, have learned to LOVE. I read these posts and its GUSHING out of you now... you made it, I honeslty don't think that's how you started...
I think you see a person in you that you never knew existed. THAT person will ALWAYS be with you wherever you go if you want her to be. She's yours, she's you.
THAT person, is someone you can be proud of, because once you know how to love, you can finally live a fulfilling life... until you know what LOVE truly means like this, your days and nights will always be empty.
No matter what happens in the long term, you have won yourself again... you did all this work, and you can enjoy the person inside of you that you found.
This isn't about him, its about you.
The most wonderful thing I see here...
If the two of you want to save your marriage... YOU are ready... it only takes the two of you.
SO my dear, you are HALF WAY TO SAVING YOUR MARRIAGE ALREADY
Just half way to go.
You, are living proof that a person can turn around, learn to love their spouse, despite the hurt, the distance, the disappointments, and the mistakes.
You are proof that a person can turn their marriage around, and find love again...
If YOU can do that for yourself, which you have, you can do this for your Husband as well... and you have TIME to do that...
You are proof of a chance and of hope.
As long as you want it, hope is there. Keep it up... keep fighting, you can bring him back, I believe it.
how do you know he didn't file yet? I hope that is true- but I must tell you that honestly, I don't see him filing for D! I see him being freaked out but not knowing what he wants (kind of like my WH and I am not just saying that, but for God's sake, go NC while you can! If I didn't have an infant, I would, I swear!) So, stay the course, keep your emotions in check, be as strong as you can...be confident. TRUST YOUR GUT in all of this, too! And stop getting arguing with him!
Last edited by newmama; 03/02/1006:27 AM.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Allen, That was a very nice post, thank you. His mom told me he didn't file, just had L start the paper work. And then he called and left me a message saying the same. And in his message it said, I didn't file, just in case we get back together. I didn't respond.
It's time to explain what has happened with his sister last week, because I think it might affect my H's decisions good or bad I don't know. His sister had to leave her H in the middle of the night; they have been married for about 10 years and have 2 kids. They live in a different state away from all of her family. It turns out that he has been beating her and has had multiple A. It's been a very abusive R. Now she and kids are living with her mom along with my H.
I'm pretty close with his sister, especially since we are both going through the same thing (mine not as bad as her's) and there is no way she can save her M. And she knows I want to save mine. I sat with her on Sun and told her everything that has happened, and she does believe her brother is having an A. Yesterday my H also mentioned to his mom and sister, that he is hoping to get his own place within the next couple of weeks. He has not brought this up in a long time. I'm thinking he can't handle seeing the pain his sister is in and it makes him feel even guiltier.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Before all this divorce busting stuff of your started...
I bet you didn't like your husband very much I bet you were very angry at him I bet you couldn't care less where he was or what he was doing I bet you didn't even notice if he was there half the time
Well, you have through this trying time won something precious for yourself...
You, my dear, have learned to LOVE. I read these posts and its GUSHING out of you now... you made it, I honeslty don't think that's how you started...
I think you see a person in you that you never knew existed. THAT person will ALWAYS be with you wherever you go if you want her to be. She's yours, she's you.
THAT person, is someone you can be proud of, because once you know how to love, you can finally live a fulfilling life... until you know what LOVE truly means like this, your days and nights will always be empty.
No matter what happens in the long term, you have won yourself again... you did all this work, and you can enjoy the person inside of you that you found.
This isn't about him, its about you.
The most wonderful thing I see here...
If the two of you want to save your marriage... YOU are ready... it only takes the two of you.
SO my dear, you are HALF WAY TO SAVING YOUR MARRIAGE ALREADY
Just half way to go.
Allen, that was not only beautiful, it is also TRUE. Sometimes we get so caught up in the seeming hopelessness of our sitch, as we look forward into all of the "stuff" still yet to go thru, that we don't look backwards and see just how much we've GROWN.
I agree with your assessment of MB thru all of this.
