I'm doing well lost rabbit, hope you are too. When I look at the whole picture I can see alot of improvement in our relationship. Even looking back as far as a year, she seems to enjoy our conversation more now. And she has noticed changes in me, for the good. I'll concentrate on the positive changes.
I'm back. Things are about the same as before. Good points: we seek each other out for conversation, I do alot of little things for her that I know she notices. Bad points: she still hasn't initiated any more hugs. I have backed off on hugs, it seemed like they were being forced on her.
I would like to hear from someone who has gone through this as to wether this is normal and what to expect. I don't want to push but I don't want to be a doormat. Trying to be patient.
I don't think a "No Hug Zone" is being a doormat. Although not receiving any feels $hilty, as long as you are not being 'abused', used, etc.
I had many nicknames for my STBXW, the ice queen for one. I remember weeks..months ...(?years?)...of looking at her back in bed while she huddled into her 2-3 feet on her side of the bed and calling it The Great Wall of China.
Obviously, women are not like us Bobby. If they feel no emotional connection, they are not going to have sex with us, kiss us or hug us. Don't smother them with requests for it or push it on them.
Detach. Read Dr. Gray's book.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I thought my detaching stage was over, being back together to work on our relationship. Some parts of the day my thoughts are that things are good, talking well, doing some things together. Then I get times where I just think what's the use. I'm glad for this forum or I probably would have already given up.
There MAY come a point where you may have to make a decision. It's too early for that right now. If she is back and not having any affair, I'd say keep working on it.
Once they are out and boffing someone else, it is problematic, especially when they leave under the same roof. It is NEVER OK to do that.
No..detaching means not being dependent on them for your emotional needs and well-being.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Hi everyone. How long should I give this to work. We talk better than we have for years. She hugs if I initiate. Has not kissed me yet and are not sleeping together. What kind of time line would be realistic. Not that i've given up yet but would like some input. Right now I feel like roomates.
There is no timeline if you are standing. This can take years for some. What are you looking for? FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I had many nicknames for my STBXW, the ice queen for one. I remember weeks..months ...(?years?)...of looking at her back in bed while she huddled into her 2-3 feet on her side of the bed and calling it The Great Wall of China. FIB
Wow--I always called mine the "Great Walled off vagina" but said it really quickly when I said it so it sounded like the Great Wall of China. I meant it more in jest at the times I said it but....who could have known.
I'm not sure i want to be married to you anymore - 8-30-09 ILYBINILWY = 9-4-09 Busted her on a date 9-19-09 Separation - 9-21-09 Divorce - 10-9-09 S15 S13 S10 M - 18 Years
