Snooping's bad, but (apart from the SSIL situation) I don't think it told you anything you didn't already know. It reconfirmed once again that the dependency relationship of FIL and W is really odd. REALLY odd. And that the struggle isn't so much between you and W, as between W and her relationship with FIL. The emails to dog-man don't sound significant; FIL is the issue. Hopefully he'll get a job, something to occupy his mind so that he stops trying to use his energies to manipulate his family.
It must be frustrating for you, and there are lots of people reading your thread who feel for you and support you.
It's encouraging that W went on retreat, and that the issue of the divorce and her mother's death came up. Her family might be trying to manipulate such occassions for their own ends, but the results of this kind of reflection will always be quite beyond their control, and may well work in favour of W's development and independence, and in improvements in her relationship with you.
