I got marrried till death do us part....I came from a family where you dont divorce no matter what.....i still love my husband and I have forgiven him and her.....I want to have a testimony to tell my kids and grandkids that no matter what the circumstances God can change things if we ask him to and believe in him.....I believe people go thru things and God allows them to happen to get our atttention, to make us better people and I am so much better than I was before.... It is the right thing to do.....oh my I could go on and on......I miss his smile...I miss his big boney feet... I miss his humming while he ate.... But the reason is I STILL LOVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT HE HAS DONE...MY LOVE IS DEEPER....I really do have unconditional love for him....I know it will be hard work but I know it will one day be worth it ...all the shed tears all the prayers....everything .....nice to see you in here Oz.......besos
And Irma, I am glad you have so much adoration for him. But honestly if he were to come home tomorrow could you really handle it? Could you continue to live your life with him if he came home without any remorse or apologies? You know m'ija, Latinos are proud men, and very rarely do they admit when they are wrong. Love covers a multitude of sins, I know this from my own experience, but I also know that you have to be ready and it will not be what you expect. The problem is Irma, that MLC'ers do not make any changes while they are away. They do not work on becoming a better person. Yes they have guilt, and regret but they do not know what to do with it. While they are away the LBS learns about their issues and begins to do the work. The MLC'er is stunted. Sometimes they never quite catch up to us, as much as they try. Besos Oz X
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I know I have come in here at times and sounded so pathetic... I look at my posting and wonder why the heck did I post that but we come here to vent...get it off our chest ......cry get 2x4'd....but when I get off this board I feel better at least I didnt call him......havent done that in a while a very long while I come here and do as I have in the past just post my feelings.....isnt it whay we are here to let off steam here instead of our spouses...... Yes I know it wont be a bed of roses and it will be even harder when they do come home......I have to say there are times when I do wonder why I want him back but I know what I must do and that is stick with it till the end for better or worse isnt that what our vows say......gotta go fixinf to get off of work will post later
But honestly if he were to come home tomorrow could you really handle it?
Could you continue to live your life with him if he came home without any remorse or apologies? I honestly think I could do this BND...when he did this the 1st time I would throw it i his face everytime we had a fight......now I know that was not the thing to do.....why would I of wanted to remind him of that time in our lives....I am much older since then and I have learned lots while I have been in here.....were you ready when Fred came home????? what have you done differently than what I have done.....I have been supporting myself and our daughter all by myself I have and am GAL maybe not what some people think GAL is but I like it....I did have to adjust some meds a couple of weeks ago but that has been done and am feeling better.... and I dont adore my husband , I love him he is not on my thoughts 24/7 any longer...I am a stronger christian than I have ever been......and I have learned from my past mistakes.......is anyone really ready when they come home...really ready.......oh and he is not latino mija he is white.....hadnt had the chance to post since friday.......BND you must be so proud of all your kids and all their accomplished......funny but I barely think of him any more during the day, only when I pray for him and you know what it sure does feel good......nice hearing from you BND...
Irma, I have told you my story..... And yes I would have done things very differently....Had I known then what I know now. But hindsight is always 20/20. Many decisions that were made were emotional, based on fear and guilt and my faith. Looking back on those years when he was gone, I was a wreck. I stopped living and only existed. I had a therapist, I had the DB board and lots of meds. I lived on a diet of coffee and cigarettes. I weighed a little over 100 pounds. I kept waiting for the divorce papers to arrive and kept trying to accept my new reality, which was thrown to me by my Husband.
Irma, I would never had let him come home without conditions. I would have asked questions. It was wrong for me to have to walk on eggshells for so long and keep waiting for him to become comfortable in his own skin. We should have gone through councelling and he should have seen a therapist.
He has been home for almost 3 years now and yes we are doing fine but it could have been a much easier journey had I followed my gut.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Thanks BND...you are a wise woman.... I know I will have to set boundaries I am not going to be a doormat IF he ever comes home..... yes I know the feeling of waiting for those divorce papers I hate it when I do that.....but when I read your response I knew these were not just my fears but others as well.... there are times when I feel good that I have learned so much from here and that i will be ok.....
when I do get talk with him he is sounding so much like my husband but I can always tell when she is around him he is very business like when she is not around he talks to me like we are close friends......
but I really dont know him anymore he looks sooooooooo different......have you ever seen a guy on a harley...and he has the long hair, the chaps, the gloves,boots,vest and all the other stuff that they wear...that is my husband now..hair down to his shoulder blades weighs like 240-250lbs.....
we look at his pics he sends us sometimes and we are like dang what happened to him....and the sad thing is he thinks he looks good.....I remember when him and I would see guys like that and he would laugh and say stuff like what an idiot and he is one of them now......our children have totally detached themselves from their father they hardly ever speak.Anyways I know it will be very hard work we will both have to know each other all over again.......but i am in it till the end...no matter what happens those are my beliefs......have a great day wish I was in the snow with ya.....see ya chica besos
IRMA, I am not going to argue with you or your beliefs, you are a grown woman and will do as you wish. I do have some things to say that you honestly need to think about. If your H is doing what you told me you thought he was doing (Illegal) how is that sitting with your religious beliefs? I have an issue with that, talking one hand about your religion, but yet standing for someone who would do something like you told me. I think you really need to pray on that one. Next, IRMA, I can tell you that if you threw your H's affair up in his face all the time, there is no way he feels safe with you and I don't see how he can feel safe with you. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but it is what it is. Major difficult to overcome. Next, your H has nothing to do with his kids, support or otherwise. Do you honestly think he can turn all that around and fix his relationship with you? Next, he has had virtually no communication with you in quite some time, he also lives far away, so how can you overcome the distance and communication barrier? IRMA, as I said before, its your choice to stand until you are dead if that is what you wish, but I think you really need to tackle some of the issues and questions I have raised to you. IRMA, have you had any I.C.? If not, I strongly recommend that you get it if at all possible. I think you have some issues you really need to work on, I'm not putting you down by saying that, everyone needs help from time to time.
BND, I am laughing so hard! What about tattoos or body piercings? Remember the posters that spoke of their husbands' having all of the body hair removed? Good grief! The things they do!
Mine did his fair share as well!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
