Am I in the right place? Need advice and support.

[Clife]

Hi Onthemountaintop,
Thanks for replying, how are you?

My comment to my H about making a real effort to work on our marriage or to finally think about making the separation real, came from sadness not anger. I've not felt angry for a very long time-guilt and just that i see things differently now has dissolved all of my resentment from the past.

I would rather stay with my H and work on the things that brought us to this sad stage than live without him and pull our family apart.

My H has been working away from home for 9 years-not coming home until the weekend. Its taken its toll. Especially as he became so immersed in work he would continue once he came home, almost as soon as he hit the door. Can you imagine how that felt?

I would wait all week to see him then he would get his laptop out and i was invisible. I would talk, he would flick his eyes up, repeat what id said, get it wrong and simply go back to his work. I gave up in the end. I would go and spend time with the children instead.
I asked many times for him to spend time with the children, to forge a better relationship with our S(15) whose resentment of his dad was growing.
There were many things that contributed to my wanting to separate and i would try to get him to discuss these things but he buried his head in the sand.
I eventually broke down and said i couldn't cope anymore with anything. He comforted me for that day, went off to work and it was never mentioned again.
I am dealing with a man who cannot display his emotions even when its vital.

I had already mentioned separating before i met OM. Its no excuse, but he cycled into the playgound with his daughter and we got chatting. He knew i was vulnerable and in hindsight i should have run a mile but i was taken in with tales of sorrow over his divorce, the closeness he shared with his daughter and the way he talked and talked. It was refreshing and i felt soothed with the attention.

I was stupid. Very very stupid. I only wish i had found these boards and the books before i had become 'hypnotised' by this mans attention.
My situation is different from many on here in that I was the WAW that now wants to piece her M back together.

Some good things have come out of this situation. My H spends lots of time with the children, S(15) feels easy in his company and we ALL go out together most weekends.
But what im finding hard is the limboland. My H acts like he wants me-he gives me huge cuddles when he gets home, at his own instigation. Yet some nights he comes up to 'see' me and others he won't go near me. This i could handle if i knew we were 'in piecing' but not being 'allowed' to discuss anything other than superficial things but still having 'sex' is making my mind spin, and confusion causes me to get things out of proportion.

Sorry for the essay. As you can see im all over the place right now, and simply want to help my H to heal from his pain, that ive caused us.
I hate myself, and this is not helping me to move forward and 'do' what is not working. I wish he would talk to someone instead of shutting everything out.
i'm hanging in for the long haul, as i should. Its the most important thing ive ever had to do. I want to stay positive.But its hard.