!Help! Need Advice and encouragement!

[stark648]

I have hope that time without the contact with the girls will have a strong effect on her. She can't have the same-type family relationship with them (or me) that she's been seeking while we are not a family.

Maybe that realization will at least throw some doubt about the wisdom of her choices. She was actually spending more time with them during this separation. however, the time has been less than quality, and I hope/think she may be realizing this to some extent.

She and I cannot have the close sister-brother-best-friend type connection we previously enjoyed at this point. Earlier on, I had tried to "act as if" and it helped with us communicating, but I think it was giving her the idea she could keep me as her good buddy and still do what she wants to do. I'm not being cold, however, I do not want to give her that impression, or she won't really be losing anything.

I had also told her she could stay here at the house some weekends to visit. I told her, "I've got places I can be, people I can stay with for the whole weekend."

I also demanded that I get to see my son-16 on a weekend or something. (She liked that also)

I also told her I wanted every other weekend or so kid-free for me, so I can do my things. She said just let her know whenever.

I am putting my foot down on all these things listed above. I am setting up boundaries, with probably more to follow...

My stepson16,stepdaughter15 and even the wife call me the kid's "one true Daddy". When I talk about the son, she hears me talking about OUR son, not her stepson. But I will be careful. It is a criticism of how she is screwing up her responsibilities on her end. I would swear she liked the "reprimand" on some levels as well, and concurred his schooling is so important.

Like you say, the time factor is really what makes it so hard...

At some point, I think she will get "down" on herself and realize the true source of her unhappiness is within her. I truly hope and pray she will realize this before she gets pregnant.

Other people tell her "they know" about her boyfriend---and she takes it to mean they knew the two of them "were in love" and a perfect match.

I wish I could know how long before she comes to some clarity, or if she even will, and that would make it easier to persevere.

What are the first-type slight indications that the fog/love/relationship w/OM might be coming to an end? I would be encouraged to see any sort of sign. All I hear now is more plans of how to make this move more permanent by moving more stuff over to OM's house.