Well not the best way to stay dark...he showed up here tonight. I told him that I did not want to talk. He came singing a different tune.
He said that he ended it with the OW. Told her that is was fantasy and would never work. They would never trust eachother etc etc etc. I have heard this before. He asked what he would need me to do to prove to me that it is over. We have done the no contact letter before and I have heard all the lines. I asked him if he would be willing to tell her in front of me that he is recommitted to his marriage and loves his wife and that the relationship with her is over.. he responded "you want me to hurt her?". I told him that I didn't care if she got hurt..she was messing with a married man.. would she expect anything less?
He then proceeded to tell me that his therapist told him that he lacked empathy for other people and that it was a problem. What does this mean????
I asked some details about the affair which was probably a mistake. She made him dinner for Valentines day. They went to the movies and rented a movie one night. They grabbed a bite to eat several times. I am so angry- that is half of my money that he is wining and dining another woman with!!!
He wants to come home at the end of the month and make a go of our marriage. He hasn't proved to me anything. And this "I lack empathy" thing... what does this mean?? is this something that is fixable? He still has this angry thing about him...he was here for almost 2 hours... and during certain parts of our conversation.. he had to keep himself in check. It is so interesting to watch. He can control himself as long as he makes a conscious effort to control his emotions and try to be sensitive- but it is so not natural for him.
Do I remain dark? I think I need to. You are right.. I need to see action instead of talk. He told me he never stopped loving me throughout this whole thing. Said that he was unhappy. She was 180% different than I was. We have a stable life with dogs, bbq's, dinner parties, etc... she was the opposite of all that. What to make of this? He asked me if I ever longed for something different.. I told him that if the mail clerk in my office was hot as hell.. but had multiple illegitimate children..not a pot to piss in...and slept around- I would find him not one bit attractive. Perhaps superficial..but don't we all long for something better than that?
