beginning to see the real W

[MrBond]

Thanks Doc.

I've been following your sitch for awhile and I think the thing I see in your posts, mine and others is fear. We end up being afraid that if we do something to offend our WAS, they'll leave again. Or at least that's how it is my case.

I get the same triggers like you and have walked on eggshells so long I could probably walk on water by now.

One thing I did was to not have R talks with W per se, but truth talks. I centered them around her needs, what she wants, what she's looking for just to start the conversation. It's the getting to the conversation that's the hard part, but I think when it's done slowly without expectations or judgment, it become easier with each interaction.

I always use the analogy of a stray animal. You attract it a little at a time with no sudden movements and slowly they'll come towards you. At the very least, in my sitch, it has allowed me to ask my W the hard questions and she's not arguing with me anymore. She's actually listening and hopefully evaluating.