What I am about to suggest is way off the DB trail......but your daughter's exposure to the affairs almost seems unprecedented. So her anger is definitely understandable since she is just a child. With your daughter just being a child, she probably has little idea or even comprehension of what you are doing. To her (and let's say most people until they see that works) is probably as foreign to her as people from Poland.
So what about educating her? I would definitely want more opinions here (and definitely her therapist) but give her a chance to maybe understand the complexity of what is going on. Usually we can beat around the bush with kids....but she knows EXACTLY what is going on with the affairs. So why not let her read some material on MLC. I know it is risky....but a big step is understanding.
I am not saying that she should read DB/DR, but maybe a nice little online blog about MLC. It seems as though she see's her mother intentionally hurting her (example-freezing in car seat) and maybe seeing that might not be the case could be good for her.
Just remember how you felt before you came here.....she hasn't had that opportunity to heal with understanding.
