Question

[awest1217]

So about 2 hours of texting and ultimately H "hate himself" and is "so depressed" because he ruined our lives. He just wants things to go back to the way they were the December and January before he left. I said I don't understand how H and OW can flirt, say I love you, plan on getting an apartment together and just be friends now. He said what I am asking him to do is like "asking someone to jump off a cliff because you love them". I was pretty sure H was going to come home, but now i am almost positive he won't come home. Just like a little kid he is trying to see if I am going to budge on him seeing OW. I am not. I am tired of being treated like a second rate wife and he doesn't understand why I am saying he can't see her or talk to her. He said what is "appropriate contact for just friends". "10 times and on the 11th time it is now more than friends". He is so sarcastic and it is all because things are not done with them. I am done though. I was nice and said good night, but emotionally I am done. Even if he says he wants to come home, I don't think I can say ok. He hasn't gone to counseling and will just see her behind my back. He won't change because he doesn't want to. He keeps saying we can't work because he hurt me too much...yes, but we can still work if he is willing. He also asked why I am basing love on how much we give up for each other. I said I am just asking him to give up one person, if he can't do that then he doesn't love me. I let him know I need this for us to work. That for us to work we both have to work together and both will need to make some sacrifices, but he doesn't understand or care.

I am sad and hurting, but I guess it is better to know. I said I want a final decision from him by next Wednesday so that leaves 9 days left. It will all be over in 9 days...very sad especially since the one year anniversary of my grandpa committing suicide is this weekend. H spend time getting a massage from OW because he "had a stiff neck and knot" instead of being with me. He chose to give the istep to his students instead of being at the viewing with me...he chose to talk to OW while at my grandma's instead of comforting me.

I am so mad at myself for putting up with him for this long. He is a selfish jerk...sorry, and I deserve so much better. I just want him to finally say we are done so I am not the bad guy so 9 more days...

H said something about how he either has to move here or in with his parents because he has no where else to go. Oh well...not my problem. He wasted $4000 this summer on who knows what, and chose to wait until now to find anything. No one will give him an apartment in two weeks.

Last kicker...he blocked me from his AIM. He turned off his phone because he got me going when I tried to stop the conversation so I wanted some type of resolution, but never got one, so he turned off his phone. I then tried to IM him since he always IM's OW, and I am blocked! Yeah blocked!

Tomorrow I may feel differently, but he hasn't changed what he has said this whole time. He doesn't know what to do because he doesn't want to give up OW because they are "just friends" and I shouldn't get to choose who he is friends or not friends with, yet he can go a week without seeing me and days without texting me. He said he will always be in a bad mood if he can't talk to OW. He has never changed from this stance so he has made his choice...10 times over and I am not going to let him keep treating me like crap so that is that...