seperated a year

[hanging in there]

I have been lurking for a year now. In this time I have done everything wrong. I have read the book and many posts all in the hope of doing the right thing only to fail again.

Last year I found out my husband 35 was having an EA with a woman he met online. i blow up and made him leave. I think that was mistake number 1 but can't take that back now.
The first 6 months things were crazy between us. He would show up here at random hours of the night for ridiculous reasons like had to bring a movie over for our daughters. During this time he would hang out a little and we ML more than we had in the previous months. Then he got his own apartment (had been living with his dad). Since then contact has been sparce ML has stopped. He is still in contacdt with this woman(she lives in Canada. I'm pretty sure there isnt a PA with anyone here in our town. He works and hangs out with his male friends.

I know he is having financial problems because of the phone calls I get at my house. Also he is giving up his apartment after 6 months to move in with his coworker who is a recently divorced single dad.

In October H says it is over and will never come back. He has had random contact with our daughters nothing consistant.

If I make contact it goes from either him ignoring me or we talk like friends for a few days then he reminds me he will not be coming home or I make the mistake or talking R. Actually said he wouldnt come home until we were divorced so if this happens again (he says my BS happens again) he can just leave, but then says he will never come home.

He says he has been unhappy for many years due to the fact I have a male friend he felt I shouldn't have been talking too and I made him more important to my life. He is a coworker who is like a little brother to me and I give him advice on his girlfriends.

Almost 3 years ago our youngest daighter had to have a brain tumor removed. During this time I was focused on her and her treatment while he went out and bought a sports car and started hanging out with friends more. We didn't talk a lot and lfe kind a got away from us.

I havent been able to truly DB this last year out of fear of losing him but now I'm afraid thats what I have done. I feel I'm in a place now where what do I have to lose. H is the only man I have been with and the same for him. We started dating in high school and have been together ever since. I am afraid though that with him hanging out with his divorced friends the odds are stacked against me.

My question is with little to no contact with us how will 180s work? I'm not sure if any goals I make could be achieved in a week or two because if I don't contact him the chances are slim he will make contact. Longest without contact when I have attempted NC was 2 weeks. I know not long but I love him and was afraid if I went too long it would be out of sight out of mind type thing.

My game plan is as follows:
No more R talk period
No more calls or texts from me unless it is in regards to child support

Any words of wisdom even 2x4s(which I fully deserve) would be greatly appreciated

Thank you