I remember, the first time my H went through this…
Our S was 4 and in daycare. I was at the school picking S up, and H walked in, had run a call (ambulance) in the area. He wanted to take S out to show him the truck. I asked H if SHE was there (she was his regular partner) and H said yes. I said no way. H looked at me, with more hate in his eyes than I have ever seen and told me “you are F’ing nuts,” and walked out.
Leaving me standing there, holding my S, who had NO IDEA where his daddy had just gone. Why he couldn’t see the ambulance.
From my selfish desire to protect my S (so I thought at the time) I was the one left looking like the “bad guy” in both of their eyes. I hurt my S while I was trying to protect him (so I thought), when in reality I was actually trying to protect MYSELF.
From having to feel the pain of my child meeting, and maybe liking, the woman who was taking my husband. Who, in reality, while not the most moral person IMO, really was not too bad of a person.
Truth be told…
S is now a teen. He DOES NOT remember the details of that time, however, he DOES remember the fighting and arguing and name calling.
Please slow down and breathe.
And answer this question…
How are your children? Was your D in tears and telling you horrible things, or was she relaying the details of the day?
Right now, it does not sound to me like your kids have been hurt, but YOU are hurt.
If you do ANYTHING from this state of mind, YOU will be the one hurting YOUR children.
And THAT is something you will remember…
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
