Thanks friends for your kind words. I know it's not 1 thing or an email that set stuff off. And I am realizing the 'tough love' per se approach does not work well with H. What works best is 'water off ducks back' w him and being agreeable. Truth be told the $ is not my main concern..being able to feel good and move on in a healthy way is. While I don't want to have him walk all over me, I'd rather he realize the error of his ways without my reacting to him (which he did when he texted me late Thurs night after lambasting me for 30 mins).
Went to a session with IC today...just feeling really low and anxious this morning. Trying to feel the feelings...gosh they are darn hard and Embrace the Suck. I know H has lots of issues to work through, and I think is somewhat irresponsible with money which would be an issue b/w us anyway.
I know in his head he blames me to justify his actions. I know I was not that bad of a wife, and god I accepted responsibility and worked on my issues. Would be nice if I could still DB but he is where he is...I would just rather deal w the deck I'm dealt rather than engineer the process.
He needed, and I wanted him to, come over yesterday to get his stuff. We ended on a positive note but I'm still sad and in mourning in many ways, and may be for awhile. Don't know what else to say...I was feeling so strong and confident when he first came over but think it spiraled downward after he blamed me (and manipulated, you guys are right!) for the situation he is in.
It is what it is and it hurts but I know I've been feeling past couple weeks that maybe we weren't right for each other and I deserve better..but the accusations and then the tenderness were a hard juxtapostion. I've learned that they best way to be around him -for us and for my own state/feeling- was how I held myself together over our lunch date last week.
This is still going to be a tad rough/roller coaster for the months ahead, and I know it and should prepare. Yes you can get off the roller coaster but we're all human and sometimes the dips do come, regardless. Ugh. We move on..
