I think I'd rather be dead than this- WAW

[GH31]

G'day Quart9,

The chat that I had with my W that night was the worst one for me. I couldn't believe she could be so matter of fact when it came to telling me how she wanted to be with him and there was no chance for her and I. I was in such shock. At one point I had to get up and walk away from the table. When I came back she was sitting there emotionless sipping her beer - like we had just been talking about the weather or something.

Yep. This all sounds so very familiar.

I have tried to put myself in my wife's shoes. I understand how feelings change but I don't understand how someone you have known so long, been through so much with, and shared so much with can turn into someone you don't even know, treat you so coldly, and drop you so easily to pursue another.

Quart9, one of the hardest things for us to grasp when we're dealing with the shock, agony and betrayal is that an affair is a drug in the cheater's blood. It literally makes them high on drugs and takes away their sound judgment, decision making ability and empathy for others' suffering.

Cheating wives literally become radically different beings.

Your wife is now in no fit state to be your wife and won't be for some time. If you have any contact with her you will leave every interaction scratching your head wondering how someone could be so cruel and it will eat you alive.

Addiction is the reason they behave the way they do.

When my own W was in the throes of her adultery I insulated myself from contact with her as much as possible, even moving back to Australia - 10,000 miles from where this all was taking place. I had no contact with her at all for nearly a month - the first two weeks were agony and things started to slowly get better one day at a time thereafter. Read up on Dr. Willard Harley's "Plan B" - that is, complete severance of all contact with your spouse until they stop their affair.

I have been praying today that I am making the right decision to file for the D. I have been rounding up the necessary docs and filling out the needed paper work this morning. Only a couple of hours now before I meet with the L.

Mate, based on everything you've told us in your sitch, it is the right decision. You're hurting and bewildered at the moment and will be for a while. The soundness of your decision will become more apparent to you after the fact and with time.

Please stay as dark as you can. You're injured and need to protect yourself for now.

Take care,
GH31