Lost - one other question...should I mentioned that I would appreciate that she not complain to the kids about me?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Who knows why she thinks the way she does...and who cares?
This is for you and your family.
If you really cared to make her happy RIGHT NOW, you'd get out of the house live somewhere else never see her again and send her your entire paycheck. Pay for the divorce, sell a kidney to get rid of the debt.
You'd be an idiot...so why are you considering NOT going to school to please her in that regard?
As for the note:
"Can I take the kids to the game tonight?"
OR
"I'm going to take the kids to the game tonight, anything I need to know?"
Your dynamic may be different...one might be better than the other.
One is asking, the other is telling/asking.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I wouldn't mention anything about her not complaining around the kids....that is just respectful household behavior. Much like I expect you are being respectful about her around the kids. One thing I am positive about...there is no reason to bring kids into this...just look at AYK's thread to see what happens even when you mean the best.
Quote:
Should I agree to ask going forward?
If she asks...but the truth is informing/asking her about things like sleep overs is just respectful action. She should know...so there is no agreeing....you should just do it. If for some reason the living arrangements change....then so does this course of action. But for now...still living together...respect her as you would want to be respected (and as-if the EA).
I almost think she is challenging you on the school. Like she expects you not to go...but doesn't want you to go either. A catch-22 and why detaching is so important. You tried to bring the subject up....now is the time to decide purely for you. Things like this pop up all the time in the MLC game. My wife absolutely hated that what I achieved in the house and with the kids. Would comment how I was doing to much....but in the end it was what I needed to do. I am better for it...and you will be better if you go to school..
You see, my husband learned a whole hell of a lot too in the past three years. He found out that every time he told me he “understood” what I was going through, he really had no clue at all. But when it was all dumped on his shoulders, he found out pretty damn quick. NOW he understands! (And I love him more for it.)
How about I let her answer that one Jack.....
See Eric....it can work out...if you do your work first!
If she asks...but the truth is informing/asking her about things like sleep overs is just respectful action. She should know...so there is no agreeing....you should just do it. If for some reason the living arrangements change....then so does this course of action. But for now...still living together...respect her as you would want to be respected
Agreed Lost.
You know the more I search inside myself the more "stuff" i find that needs to change. It's been a very slow process for me but I'm guess starting to "get it". I really do need to just focus on ME. The reality is that I cannot change someone else or control what someone else does or does not do. What I do control though is how I handel myself and each situation.
A few recent observations about myself...
1) I'm actually a pretty nice guy and not the demon that I was made out to be! 2) I say that I do not have patience - yet I'm still here almost 6 months later. FTR I never thought I would last more than 3 months. 3) I am a pretty good dad. 4) I have a great heart and love deeply. 5) I never really "worked" at the M but...I also never realized how much you have to. 6) I can change! 7) I will survive this! 8) I actually want to thank my wife - if it were not for this I would not have taken the time to really address the issues that I needed to. Thank you honey!
Oh...and the EA still kills me but this is her cross to bear not mine.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I am just going to add about the overnight thing I am in a relationship together we have 4 children I would never take one overnight anywhere and just leave a note
I would make sure that they knew where we were so they wouldn't worry
it is kind and courteous and the right thing to do...who knows if she found the note or when she found the note
I know that I would assume something bad happened because I would never assume that Cori would just take one of the kids overnight without letting me know...in person or on the phone...voice confirmation
