Fast track to her divorcing me

[g450]

Thanks dday.

Yes she is probably feeling me out. I am doing the same to her. And yes I do still love her. I have always freely admitted this. And will continue to do so.

I have hope but I try not to live my life by it. Any time I talk to her I constantly try to remind myself that she does not want me and kicked me to the curb. I have no anger towards her any more but I do try my best to keep the reality of our dead marriage in mind and I am treading softly.

Always will love her and I have no problems telling any potential date this. I really just wanted a friend for starters but I will be up front about my relationship with my X. I know that there are women out there that just want a friend or a FWB. I have no problems with that.

Now that XW has finally started to warm up in communicating and spending time with me I have decided not to actively persue any dating. Ill put that thought on the back burner for if things go sour between us again or she gets an OM.

Anyway I do have family and friends (both male and female) that I enjoy spending time with. I am building relationships with people now which is a 180 from the person I used to be. I was not very outgoing or friendly when married. I just did not feel the need for friends then because my Son and Wife were enough for me. I am not that person any more.

I have thought about the same concerns and scenario you pointed out and how I could hurt another person or even a 2nd chance with my X. And I actualy have rethought the dating thing because of this. So far I have had no luck anyway so it may be a sign from God that Im not ready for that yet.

As for my friendly relationship with my X, I almost expect it to fail. So I am friendly but try to stay detached at the same time. It's a balancing act.

It's hard to do though as even just seeing her tugs at my heart. Its hurts sometimes. Even harder than going dark as I am finding out. I now understand how going dark was meant to help heal us and help us to detach for our own sake.

Right now I feel that being Grey is my best option though.