W officially in R w/ OM-

[RobD70]

I didn’t read all the replies so forgive me if a lot of this has been said before.

If you haven’t already done so, file the D papers. Technically it doesn’t mean anything but it will send a message to her that you are taking a stand and not just blowing smoke. I know one couple that has filed 3 times over the course of 3 or 4 years. I wished I had done it (my W filed last year) more for own self respect and show the world I don’t put up with crap. Some of the stuff I’ve read suggest that people that filed out the gate had a higher chance of reconciling for some reason.

You are doing a decent job at NC but when you get caught talking to her get away asap. You see how you slipped there and it’s just too hard not to take jabs at her. She wanted out of the marriage so give that to her and all the consequences as well. Most find that once they are given what they want, they tend not to want it anymore.

You need to stop trying to save your marriage. The harder you try the more you will fail. If you want to save it (I have my doubts it’s worth it in your case) you need to give up on it and give in to the current reality of your situation. Move full steam for a D and if she doesn’t try to stop you in the last minute then you know she is too far gone. They only real way to reconcile is to turn the tables where you no longer care anymore and she wants you try again. She has to beg you back and she won't do that if she thinks you’ll take her back to begin with.

My wife left 3 times and this last time we made it work. The first 2 times where a mistake (too soon) and the reason why the last time worked because I stopped trying and was pushing for the D after about 3 or 4 months of NC. We’ve been back together now for 9 months and I still have her petition for a D (she wants me to throw it away) and knows that the second she thinks about messing up she will be out the door forever. We are doing really well and she said I’d have to drag her out kicking to get rid of her now.

The fact she is trying to blame you for her A shows she is still screwed up. It’s 100% her fault and until she admits that she is useless to you anyway. Women can’t love men they don’t respect and she knows she did wrong and you putting up with it by not divorcing her shows you are weak. Telling her you want a divorce and you no longer care for her as a person anymore and wish to never speak to her again would probably turn her on lol. You should do that, don’t speak to her directly and go through someone else to communicate important things that may come up. Let her know you are out of her life and fall off the face of the Earth from her POV.


This sucks I know but you will make it through one way or another. You need to work on not thinking about the her anymore and get anger if you have to to help motivate you (just don't act out, keep it inside).

Good luck.