Doing hard time on the MLC chain gang.

[MHL]

OP,
I suggested calling off Lawyers, in fact I called my lawyer before the lunch and asked, what it would mean if my W just dismissed the complaint. My L said that she could do so with or without prejudice (can't remember which one) but it means she could refile again.

I presented this as an option if we wanted to "work on it", I think she sensed an alterior motive on my part so I backed off and presented the Fred and Lisa scenario. Separated but no Divorce, really is the same thing.

[Mach1]

I pushed back on her and said, "you won't work on us but yet you seek relationships with other men" she had no response, that was as hard as I have pushed in months.

Miss....

That is a lot of guilt there...

That pedastal hurts when you fall off....

How could you have responded better ?

Right now, you need to think of her as a crazy a$$ squirrel....one that you want to eat out of your hand....

You jump....she jumps the other way....

Make sense ?

[MHL]

More from lunch.

I told her that "IF" she decided that she wanted to "work on it" or "try somethings" with me, that in addition to her and I doing things together, we could work on her R with D13 and maybe get back to doing things as a "Family".

I went on to tell her that at first I thought that I was getting the short end of the stick by having the kids 24/7 and all the responsibilities of the house. Told her that it was actually a blessing from God and now I cherrish all the time I spend with the kids as a "Family". We just want it to be the whole family mean she was the missing piece. She started crying at this point. I also went on to tell her that I realized I ruined many of the family times (the 4 of us together) by being stress out and being in a mood. I told her I own that 100% and take full responsibility for that, but I would like to have another opportunity to try it again.

I made sure not to ask her to "work on it" instead I said "if you ever decided to work on it". I did say that I thought that if we were doing these things then there should not be any OP in the picture, she agreed. This is when she mentioned about coming back to the house and I told her that I had not envisioned her coming back just to "work on it". Told her again that "IF she DECIDED to work on it" that we should keep things the way they are, meaning living apart.

[MHL]

How could you have responded better ?

Right now, you need to think of her as a crazy a$$ squirrel....one that you want to eat out of your hand....

You jump....she jumps the other way....

Make sense ?

M1,
yeah, realized that the other night. And decided to back off. I expected coldness for a while but things went right back to warm and friendly on Tuesday night. Smiles, eye contact generally being nice. Not to much touching going on, I try to do butterfly touches here and there but nothing overt. Got a long big hug on Feb 15th after long R conversation. I swear I think she lingered in the laundry room last night as she was leaving, I think she was expecting me to follow her outside, I did not b/c when I do nothing happens and she just gets in her car and leaves. This is the part where I think my W wants me to pursue her, if I give her what she wants she goes the other way so I just sit on my hands and wait.

I am still pretty sure she is MLC but not sure where she is at and not so sure she is that she is "crazy" as I thought she was before.

[MHL]

My W will be at the house again tonight to watch S9 while I take my D13 to therapy so there will be some interaction. I plan on keeping it light and not initiate any R talk, no L talk, nothing. We will probably be in the house together for 30 minutes or better before I leave to get D13 from soccer practice then to therapy session. I do plan on being nice and friendly and make good eye contact with her.

Can't help but think that today is "Little Friday" and this is the night my W and I would have a bottle of wine and relax after the kids were in bed. The evening would usually end in ML, I do miss that but enough of that. I think when I get back from therapy session with D13 I will grab a bottle of chardonay from the garage fridge and just pop it open when I walk in, if she wants a glass great if not that is okay too.

If I am on the boards tonight please join me and pour yourself your favorite beverage and enjoy the beginning of the weekend. This is the day/night that I always affirm to myself that "Life is Good!!!!"

So, sit down relax, draw a bath, do whatever it is you do to get away while at home and have a drink on me!!!

Don't forget the music, if you are near my house, Bob Marley will probably be coming through the speakers.

[fisherman]

Don't forget the music, if you are near my house, Bob Marley will probably be coming through the speakers.

Three Little Birds !!!

[Cie la vie]

MHL,

The winds of change are blowing in MHL land. I'll keep good thoughts for you. Not sure if I have any cogent advice as I have no experience with this sort of positive feedback.

I do plan on being nice and friendly and make good eye contact with her.

This is certainly a good call. Throughout my adventure I have somehow managed to maintain a civil attitude toward my W. Although it can be difficult for me, I have consistently tried to make eye contact whenever we had conversations. It's hard to tell if she appreciated it but it is definitely didn't hurt matters.

I'll be able to pop in my Babylon by Bus CD as the W returned our stero equipment last week to my surprise. I think she decided to buy new gear. "One Love" was "Our" song for me and an old girlfriend waaaay back in the day. I actually saw Marley live in Santa Cruz when Babylon was recorded. Great memories.

[MHL]

CLV,
Marley live!!! or should I say Marley LIVES!!! You know, our sitches suck, but why be bitter and angry, that is easy and it ages you, sometimes when I am with my W, I just pretend that none of the sh!tz happened and act-as-if we are happily married. I fixed dinner tonight before I left to pick up my D13 from soccer practice and take her to her therapy appt. (I am in Panera bread right now, love wireless public internet).

My W was there to watch S9 while I am with my D13. Anyhow, I was leaving to get D13 and went over to kiss S9 goodnite, he and W were at kitchen table still eating. Walked back around table and I just leaned over and cupped my W's face in my hand's and kissed her on the cheek too. She did not recoil or anything, it was more fun like then affectionate but still, I kissed her. What the hey, at this point I don't care, its "Little Friday" and I am in a good mood. PMA all day and it does wonders from the GAL aspect!!!

Trapt,

"Every little ting' gonna be alright" Play it every morning on the way to work. It is music for my soul.

[dwinter82]

MSH, just checking in. I was going to give you a buzz this past weekend but was never able to find the time. I hope more positives are heading your direction.

[MHL]

DW,
Thanks for checking in on me, no more positives but no real negatives either, I would say my kids are the ones experiencing the negatives, especially my daughter.

My S9 stayed with my W on Friday night and was supposed to be with her until mid afternoon on Saturday, however we never discussed it in detail. Not much for my son to do at the house where my W rents a room. So he usually wants to come home to play with friends and be "at home" after being with her overnight. I have let her spend time at the house with him when my D13 and I are gone before, but this upsets my D13. She feels violated and thinks Mom is going through her stuff, makes D13 physically ill. (no kidding)

Well, D13's soccer game was over and her and I went out to eat lunch and was returning to the house around 1 pm and as we were pulling up to the house there was my W's car. My D13 froze in her seat, she was petrified. I turned the car around and headed to the neighborhood clubhouse parking lot. Obviously we were not expecting my W to be there. I was pissed too b/c I had left a lot of legal stuff there pertaining to the pending legal separation.

I collected my calm and called the house and spoke to my W and said that we were not expecting her to be there. She knows her presense upsets our D13. She left and passed us as she was leaving and called on the cell to ask if D13 was upset, I said yes but I would call her back. I was pretty mad and knew I did not need to speak with her, so I texted her back and said "I will call later" I tried calling around 4pm but got no answer and did not leave a message.

D13 stayed in room all day and slept most of the day, showing all the signs of depression. She ended up staying up most of the night on Saturday and she also wrote a letter to Mom, don't know if she will send it or have me give it to her. It might be one of the letters that is written and never sent. It was 8 pages long and very much was like a letter any of us would write and never send. Basically, accusing mom of being a slut, destroying the family, blaming her for everything, being selfish, weak, lying, etc. The real zinger was that my D13 said if her Grandfather (W's father) was still alive, she would not be doing any of this stuff (ironically my W is replaying her father's controling and verbal abuse on her in childhood).

I will say this much, my D13 was feeling much better on Sunday and felt more in contol, she started a folder with various things she has written over the last 7-8 months of the nightmare. She is very bright and mature for her age and is starting to deal with it in a healthy way. I can tell she wants a R with her mom but desparately wants mom to stop hurting her and her brother and me.

Whew, sorry, long winded response to "just checking in"

I did have a good Saturday night with best friend just hanging out and visited a 50th B-day party for a poker buddy in the neighborhood.