It is so hard going dark when he keeps contacting me!!!! He sent me a text saying he was coming over tonight to talk.. I didn't respond.. then another text.. we really need to talk. I cannot change the locks and I didn't want him coming to the house. I responded. "nothing to talk about but thanks". He said that "I told u u were right about my recklessness. told u it was over with her & no more time was needed. is that not good enuff?". Then another text after I didn't respond "are you saying you are no longer interested in trying?". Do I not respond?
His lease is up at the end of March. He cannnot come home either way. I am not ready for any of this. What do I tell him? I don't want to give him "permission" to keep his apartment..he might take it to mean "carry on your affair". I do like the feeling of feeling more in control.
Truegritter- what are your wife's symptoms? my husband's family and I have been searching the internet for answers. We think borderline personality disorder.. but then maybe perhaps a MLC. His father died when he was 16 years old. His mother is very loving..almost too loving. He was always treated like royalty. He always got his way- super spoiled to a fault. When his father died- his mother did everything possible to make things transparent to the kids. The kids were not even at the hospital when he died- his mother kept it from them that he was so sick (leukemia). My husband has broken down several times (after too much to drink) and cried about his father. He had an ideal childhood up until this point. His sister is so well adjusted...his mother rarely talks about his father. I don't know if this has anything to do with anything.
His mother did tell me his father was moody- but not as moody as my husband. His father's mother was undiagnosed (bipolar)- they didnt really diagnose mental illness back then but apparently all the signs were there. My husband was awful during puberty..mood swings, irritability, anger, depression. His mood swings typically last hours- not days. The slightest 'slight' will trigger it. He has a very fragile ego at times. That is where the 'walking on eggshells' come into play. He is very charming when he is not acting like a spoiled, irritable brat. It truly feels like he has two personalities at times.
I also notice some narcissistic tendencies. As I mentioned- my husband would 'never' do anything that he didn't want to do. He was so used to getting his way. I am pretty laid back so it worked fairly well with us. He told me after I found about his affair that "i never put him on a pedastool like his mother and sister did". He was a great football player, very bright, and now very successful...and consequently some times arrogant. He will criticize other people to make himself feel better. He thinks he is much smarter than others..you would think that this situation would introduce some humility into his non humble personality.
Right before he started the affair...we were discussing having children and tried for two months.. then decided that we liked our lives too much and weren't ready to give anything up. At that time- he also made partner at his firm. My therapist thinks that the unexpected success of his promotion and the increasing stress of his job triggered a crisis in him (even though symptoms existed before this). There is this sense of 'entitlement'. When I think that something could be 'mentally' wrong with him.. I feel more patient...but it is becoming easier to believe that he is just innately selfish and self centered. He has never been a self-less man. But he truly goes from dispair to cold back to charming and funny. It is difficult to be around.
Pearlharbr- my husband traded in filet for chopped meat lol. She is very strange looking, tatooed all over, uneducated and older. My husband has always been very conservative...by the book and some what of a prude at times. I am very pretty, young, take good care of myself, skinny (maybe too skinny right now with all this stress), was a great wife to him (did all household things like cooking and cleaning while holding a very good job). I too can be very conservative although definitely have a wild side and like to have fun- but always in check. It is confusing and it is kind of an ego blow- good thing I have great friends that I can go out with and get an ego boost when needed.
I cannot believe he had the nerve to ask for an extension to continue seeing this OW. He is delusional. Puppy- contacted the lawyer but waiting for a return email. I will let you know what advice I am given.
It is nice to discuss these details without hearing "get rid of the son of a bit**" or "you are and have always been too good for him".. It isn't what I need right now. I take my marriage and commitment seriously. I want to give up on my marriage because I believe it is over- not because of anger or ego.
