So basically you are going to be able to go to school for almost nothing as long as you can keep your grades at the reimbursement requirements. Sounds like a good deal to a guy who had to pay off $15K in college loans.
1-I think I wouldn't tell her I was going or ask her permission. This one I feel is going to be walking a very thin line....but if handled properly could be an awesome opportunity to shine. I would ask to revisit the conversation. I would note things like how the added education will offer you improved employment security, possible open new fields of employment, cover how the tuition reimbursement works and that you really will only be paying for your books...then ask her if there are reasons she feels that you shouldn't go. As of this minute...she is still part of the family, household, and your wife. So her opinion does matter....at this moment. I think you can grasp this opportunity to practice good communication. That said...if the conversation turns the even slightly to your relationship...you need to find a quick exit, because that isn't what the question is about. Make sense?
2-Here is my take. Your wife still lives at homes and you had your daughter. If you wife lived elsewhere...I would say no apology needed, but she does live there. So in the household dynamic it was disrespectful to not inform (ask) her about the night out. To your defense it was last minute. So I would apologize....but only for the poor communication. Some will come back and say that she disrespects you with the EA...but the truth is you can't win a war by lowering yourself to your opponents level...you rise above their level.
The note sounds fine to me....but I would address it face to face (don't mix the two conversation though...it will be overly intense for both of you). I don't really see this being a boundary point...I see this as you apologizing for poor communication. If you switched the situation around...how would you feel in her shoes?
