4luv, I am giong to even reccomend a MAN's solution.
I THINK I understand the situation to be this :
You are married, you and your H have a child
Your H is having an affair (EA/PA) and has one illegitimate child there as well.
Is this correct?
If so, I am giong to suggest the following :
1. Reccomit to your marriage like a MAN 2. BE a father and husband first 3. Offer financial support to Illegitimate child (hereinafter called IC) 4. Any and ALL visitation to IC is done in the ABSENCE of the OW. 5. If he arrangs a visit and she is present, he FORFEITS the VISIT and goes HOME. 6. Any and all interaction for IC is done through a third party intermediary.
NOW, you will be interested to know 4luv that Phil McGraw covered infidelity in one of his shows and he had this same/almost the same situation going in there too.
We had a husband who was divorced with one child. He was having an affair with his ex-wife. His second wife was pregnant This Husband woudl only admit to ONE indiscretion, but the x-wife claimed there were over sixty of them. His current wife had proof in an email that they had sex (the note was a thank you for the shower, it was fun note.. yikes)
Anyhow, Dr Phil's solution in THAT episode was what I laid out... All interaction wtih teh x-wife's child was done through a third party was his reccomendation... and that he make a full disclosure of his affair to his current wife and stop the lying... The H ended the show STILL insisting he only cheated once (the email).
Interestingly... Dr Phil took a hand up survey of his audience on who believed him when he said he only cheated once... not ONE PERSON put up their hand...
McGraw looked at the man and said - "That's the mountain you have to climb son... if you want to win back your wife's trust... good luck, I hope you manage it, i really do..."
Note : His wife did put up HER hand, but she looked at Dr Phil and said "I have to, or I have to divorce him... I HAVE to trust him or this marriage is NOT going to work..." and Dr phil agreed with her...
Your Husband 4luv needs to start acting like a man... its an UGLY situation he's in I know, but being MISERABLE is NOT giong to make it BETTER or EASIER to deal with...
The classic phrase "No use crying over spilt milk" fits here... but I would just change the "milk" to "semen"
This is his bed and he needs to make it... torn blanket and all... Its still a life...
There ARE men out there who cant' GIVE their wife a child becuase they are impotent... your Husband has a GIFT in front of him... but for some odd reason he's miserable... He's a fool... SOMEONE needs to tell him "hey, your life aint' that BAD son... it really isn't... you just need to tidy it UP and start living it"
I really hope you can find someone to give him a good heart o heart that will inspire him to make this brave step.
If you like movies, there's a GREAT movie that teaches this lesson.
Its' called
Beautiful Girls (1996)
Rent that and watch it... mabye it might give you some ideas...
