I have reread your last couple of posts on my thread and you are once again SPOT ON!! I don't know how you figured all that out about my husband based on what I have written but you are completely correct.
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I stayed in the car after meeting them and husband went off and talked privately with his dad's wife. husband came back to the car deeply shaken about the conversation.
OK. Your posts pretty much are classic cases of guys who like to play but dont like to PAY, this is textbook stuff... He hasn't grown up.. he's still a BIG SILLY BOY and he's doing a LOT of DAMAGE...
He's like a child with a shotgun...
You need a license to drive, you need a license to fire a gun, you need a license to do a lot of things, but you do NOT need a license to be an adult... there isnt one out there that I know of...
They assume when you are 21, you're an adult and you are able to make intelligent thoughtful choices that do their best not to hurt anyone.
Go figure...
I know 40-year olds with the maturity of a 13 year old boy..., I know 50 year old women that act like they are 17... it happens.
Anyways.
Yes, there were mistakes this weekend, but, the good news is you learned from them.
Your husband is NOT going to take well to No contact... your Husband needs an education on what being a MAN means... sorry for the machoness of this statement, but that's what he needs... He will NOT man up with No Contact in my opinion...
You DO need to minimize contact until you can control it though 4luv. Your H needs to see LOTs of GOOD examples of adulthood...
Him driving around DRUNK because you woud'nt let him stay at your parent's place and THEN sneaking him in there... sorry but that's just wrong.
He drove around and got himself bombed to get your attention and sympathy... it was a PLOY and you fell for it... You know that... Its classic enablement.
The more wreckless he gets, the more helpful you get... you need to put a STOP to that destructive cycle right now... It is NOT helping YOU OR HIM
I woudl'nt let your F talk to your H unless you KNOW what's going to be said... seriously... NEVER let ANYONE give your SPOUSE ADVICE unless YOU know what the ADVICE IS... its like playing RUSSIAN ROULETTE... you might win, or you might lose...
Unless YOU know what chamber the bullet's in... do NOT play that game... its DANGEROUS
That's a big part of my advice here... STOP enabling your H.. get him some GOOD FAMILY THERAPY advice.
That means
1. Marriages come first 2. Affairs are addictions and are NOT to be sympathized or accomodated with in any way 3. Divorce is always a LAST resort 4. HOPE is the first item of business 5. No negative commentary that may lead to destructive impulse - waywards are VERY sensitive to cynicism... they will ACT on it if you give them even a crumb of it.
Get this man some MEN around him to set a half decent example and he may start to grow up... But right now he doesn't even know what being a man means... and no one is TELLING him... Your F told him something, but we don't know what...
I have to say I really am pleased with your F's way of handling this.. he is SHOWING your H that he's headed in the wrong direction... He's getting your H's attention too...
BUT... its nto enough information.. its a start...
Your H IS interested, he WANTS to know how to grow up, he WANTS to be a man here, but he NEEDS GOOD GUIDANCE... and giong to his OWN father OR yours is NOT likley the BEST choice... AGAIN waywards NEVER get the right advice even when they take the initiative to find some... it's sad really...
Question : Is his father happily married and such or is his father a mess too? I suspect his father set him a bad example... and now he's giong to that father for advice?
