flowmom | shifting from devastated to rebuilding

[flowmom]

I am not really sure that is a boundary.

Well it would become a boundary because I would be unilaterally changing the status from "trial separation" to "separation" (not legal).

I would not use the word "assume" with your H.

Why not? I'm in an information vacuum and he has to know that I'm going to make assumptions in the absence of info, and those assumptions will have implications.

As difficult as it is, it's best to leave friends and family out of it.

I haven't involved anyone. But H has by talking to my friend.

You and your H agreed to transparency (RE: dating) when the trial separation started, correct?

Yes. It was indirect but clear.

Has he told you about the online dating profile? If not then I would say he has not held up his end of the deal w/transparency and you have to make a decision on how you will handle that.

I don't know if there's a profile. But I think he is indirectly communication loud and clear that he is going to date (=already dating I assume).

This is just my opinion but this is in large part while "controlled separations" or "trial separations" simply don't work. The WAS views it as another step towards a divorce while the LBS feels it could be a stepping stone towards a reconciliation.

Unfortunately, that is probably true. I've been clinging to the "trial" part, but that's more about H's guilt- and image-management.

Other than providing financial support and doing fatherly duties your H has been living the single life. Would you say that is a fair assessment?

Yes.

I wouldn't call it cake eating as you H doesn't seem to be treating you like a W when it suits him. He is very much (IMO) in full WAS spouse and is waiting for you to get on board.

You're right, cake-eating isn't the right term. And I am reluctantly concluding that the bolded part above is true.

Have you spoken with an attny yet?

No. I want to ask for advice from my IC in a week when he gets back. He does divorce work and I want his input on how to proceed. I am terrified by picking a L, picking the process (mediation with and without Ls, DIY, collaborative D, adversarial D...). Huge variation in costs, and huge potential implications for how it affects coparenting R, etc.