It's complicated but it's mine #28

[karen43]

Kat, I agree with Mish, def. try to work into a visit. Seems like it would be easier to do the taxes in person than by phone; don't ya think?

I love tulips too.! It's cold and rainy here now, and they make me feel spring is right around the corner. I just bought some yellow & red ones about 2 weeks ago...BTW, got the child support/alimony check last night. Whew...

One of my good friends at the new job was telling me Friday the guy she seriously likes has a problem b/c she is wealthier than him and I think he feels like you do. But of course doesn't matter to her at all and making her frustrated. I don't think that should matter at all; and if it did matter to him, then he wouldn't be the kind of person you'd want to get involved with anyway if money is a major factor for him in choosing relationships....

Hope you're having a great weekend!

[kat727]

I think I am just being cautious. I doubt that it matters to him, he knows I filed bankruptcy because I told him. It didn't stop him from calling so these are probably just my own insecurities coming out. Oh and it didn't stop the flirt conversations either.

kat

[kat727]

I finally have to admit to myself that I am scared. Scared to be loved back, to trust, to be true to myself and not get lost again in a relationship. I could feel that happening a bit, wondering what he was doing and finding myself not doing much of anything. I stopped myself and said, I haven't done all of this work to get lost again. So I have stepped back a bit.

Went to the movies with my boys, Valentine's Day. Just when I am trying to think this though I go see a romantic comedy. Gee Ashton Kutcher is kinda hot!! Anyway, just need to stay aware and walk instead of run and I should be okay.

kat

[mishka422]

Good that you recognized it and stepped back from it.

Yeah, those sappy, romantic comedies get to me too. They seem fun at the time but they lead me to dark thoughts I want to ignore so I've been watching a lot of action movies.

[kat727]

Note to self my life and my interests are just as important as anyone that I may become involved with. Can't put everything on hold waiting around for a response.

I think I am feeling more scared because I know I am ready. If that makes sense. You know like when you want to dive but when you get up on the diving board, all your fears coming rushing at you. That is where I am. Taking a few tenetative jumps up and down.

kat

[mishka422]

Keep bouncing on the end of that board. The momentum will eventually launch you!

[NoCodeBlues]

I finally have to admit to myself that I am scared.

Kat, being scared is normal and to be expected. It is the healthy response given what each of us have dealt with. If you weren't scared, we'd all be very worried for you.

Hugs and blessings.

[kat727]

Thanks No Code. I wasn't as scared about all of this with flirt guy because I know he had his own stuff to deal with and wasn't anywhere near ready to have a relationship with me. K is certainly more there right now.

kat

[BobbiJo]

I am having similar thoughts on the dating thing. On one end of the scale, I am looking for a 'solid' guy....however I am not ready for another huge commitment yet...so I am kind of on the fence!

[kat727]

I think it definetly involves healing and processing what happened. A year and a half after the divorce, I feel ready. it is good to know that I was attractive to guys earlier on but I was no where near ready emotionally.

Maybe it wasn't always flirt guy holding back but me too to some degree. Funny what you see when you are a little further down the road.

kat